


@ironman follows you

by malynaa



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), BAMF Pepper Potts, Fluff, High School, Iron Dad, Multi, Parent Tony Stark, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, all 'em tropes, word 2016 is my beta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-09-29 05:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17197556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malynaa/pseuds/malynaa
Summary: “Eighteen detentions last month alone, disgraceful amount of absent hours – often odd classes mid-day or half a day. I won’t mention the after-class clubs, or nerd groups, or whatever it is you do for ‘fun’ that actually counts in to your records anyway.”Peter sat frozen on the spot, his face growing hot and red after rapidly paling when Tony began talking.“I – I – look, I, let me explain – ““That’s,” Tony pointed at him, silencing with one look, “that’s where we might start.”“Start?” the teen repeated uneasily.Sweet Jesus, what did he have on him?“I solved it all, you’re welcome.”A beat of silence as Peter blinked at him.____Or all your favorite tropes thrown into one happy bundle of fluff. Twitter, sick!Peter, dad!Tony, dickhead!Flash - you name it, I write (scratch that, probably have written) it. Because I'm a slut for iron dad like y'all, domestic hoes.





	1. Tony goes to school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me imaging a thousand ways of tony bursting in the middle of peter's class to take him out and embarass him to hell and back while at it? it's more likely than you think.  
> i'm a slut for cliche tropes, okay, don't judge me.  
> first chapter featuring dad tony, mortified peter and too much showing off, but who doesn't love cringe every once in a while?
> 
> also, formating. help. i don't get it.

1.

 

Peter’s days tended to go awry and definitely not the way he’d intended them to go.

Sometimes he’d spot (totally accidentally) some suspicious – or downright dangerous – activity near his school; be it through the window while sitting in class, or wandering various parts of the school on breaks. Other days, he’d read something on the internet (not that he had… like, an alert… or a filter… about things happening near him. That be, like, asking for trouble… right). On days he sat through his classes, he could struggle sitting through curricular activities, too. And from time to time, he’d stumble upon a bigger deal, and he’d be present at school only in body, because his mind was elsewhere playing a detective to try and connect the dots left by his newest nemesis.

The worst thing had nothing to do with him skipping classes, and effectively getting detentions for that, either. The word had gotten out about him losing his Stark internship. Not like anyone had believed it anyway. People most probably assumed he got tired of lying and tried to end it without much embarrassment – at least according to Flash, that’s what happened.

Now, he couldn’t start telling “oh, we talked it out, I got it back”,  ' cause that’s, like, even less likely than the existence of the internship in the first place. It sure sounded as if he tried to pathetically save his face, but kept making it worse. Even he wouldn’t believe himself, to be honest. 

So, what then? Each time he pulled something at school, he had to make up a different excuse. It varied from “family emergency” to “felt sick” to “forgot I promised an elderly neighbor I’d get her groceries before school”. He was running out of ideas. Peter couldn’t lie for shit.

That day, however, seemed to be turning out great. He resisted thinking that in fear of jinxing it, but he walked with a slight bounce, and his voice was chirpier than usual, and his smile slid on his face more easily the later in the day it was. He had no after school activities, so by the time chemistry rolled around, he had to fight a grin. His last class of the day. Maybe he’d make it without trouble for once.

Aaand, there it went.

He had to jinx it at the last moment.

Though, it would’ve happened anyway, to be fair.

Despite the calm ( ~~before the storm~~ ), Peter didn’t focus in class anyway. The clock seemed to drag his attention to itself, the hand taking notes paused time and time again, as if distracted.

C’mon, Universe. Give him one peaceful day, huh?

(If the Universe could, it’d laugh in his face right then.)

Another paper ball hit Peter’s head, followed by Flash’s chuckle, when someone knocked. Not one to wait, the person on the corridor flung the door open without the teacher’s approval. Mr. Harrington trailed off, his eyes on the entrance.

“Hello, I’d say I’m terribly sorry to interrupt, but let’s skip it, I’m not big on lying,” fell out of Tony Stark’s mouth before he even crossed into the classroom.

“Y-You… You’re – “ Mr. Harrington’s eyes remained unblinking as if he feared Tony would disappear like a mirage.

“Comprehensive,” filled in helpfully Tony, “but you look like you could use a deep breath. Or three. In and out,” he breathed exaggeratedly.

The joke went over the teacher’s head. The students broke out of the stillness with a giggle, which doubled when Mr. Harrington inhaled sharply and exhaled loudly. Three times.

Stark couldn’t resist a grin as he nodded, indicating to the teacher that yes, he was doing a great job, just like that. Peter had noticed he had this not really fond, but a softer kind of smirk whenever someone lost their head while meeting him. Unless people were dying and he was tight on time. Understandably, he didn’t spare his annoyance then.

Before the teacher found his voice again, Tony quickly found Peter with his gaze.

“I’m afraid I have to kidnap your student. Don’t thank me,” he mentioned at Peter to go.

“But – “ started Peter at the same with Mr. Harrington. He halted, letting the other man speak up at least.

“W-We can’t just – let…”

“Oh, no, no,” interrupted Tony, waving a piece of paper. “All good and proper. Like a responsible citizen I am.”

He passed the paper and turned to give Peter _the Look_. The boy immediately gathered his things carelessly into his (third this month) backpack.

“Well, May will be glad,” he told the desk as he stood up.

“Yeah, I might be losing hearing from all her screaming,” said Tony, already not paying attention to the teacher. Something made him pause, and he started laughing. “Wait, that came out…”

“Don’t. Just – don’t,” as Peter reached him, the man patted his shoulder, still laughing. “Mr. Stark.”

“Sorry, sorry, I just,” he turned back to the shell-shocked teacher clutching, apparently, consent to let Tony Stark, definitely not Peter’s guardian, get him out of school mid-class. “That was wrong, sorry,” despite his polite words he didn’t sound very sorry.

Peter told him as much, getting a flick at his temple.

“Underoos, kid, did I ask?“

More giggles from his classmates.

“Sir, can you _not_.”

A snort escaped Tony. He must’ve been having a field day embarrassing Peter in front of everyone.

He laid his hands heavily on Peter’s shoulders, shaking him a bit before pushing toward the door.

“Don’t get broody on me, we’ve got stuff to do.”

“Broody? It’s called being annoyed because you’re being annoying.”

They stepped out on the corridor. Tony threw a peace sign through the closing door, his cheeky-disguised-as-innocent smile etched on his face. He seemed to be in a good mood.

“Ungrateful little shit,” announced Tony, whipping around to point a finger at Peter. Not waiting for an answer, he started down the corridor. “I came here personally – you think I have nothing else to do? Iron Man comes to pick you up from class and you whine about being _annoyed_? Unforgivable. You just lost the privilege of having a say in choosing pizza. Back in my age… I’d do the same, but I’m – a very bad, bad example, just – don’t be like me. Bad Peter. No teen brooding. Or brooding period.”

“You called me Underoos,” Peter whined anyways, striding next to Tony. “They’ll never let it go.”

“You’ve got a nickname from Iron Man, isn’t that what everyone wants?” Tony checked his phone. “I don’t give nicknames to anyone, that’s some deep bonding right here.”

“Uh, first – you do. Wasn’t it… it’s easier to remember than names? And! It’s not cool if it’s disregarding! It’s like you’re making fun of me.”

“Uhh,” Tony threw him a look over his glasses, pushing the front door open, “that’s because I am. I’m always making fun of you. Have you met me?”

“They don’t know you – I mean, they don’t,” Peter struggled to formulate an answer that wouldn’t go over Tony’s head, but he hardly expected the billionaire genius to understand high school social etiquette. He sighed. “Just. Never mind. Um, why – why did you pick me up, though? Is something happening? You didn’t text – “

“All’s dandy – I’m never saying that word again – everything’s okay, don’t sweat your butt.”

They reached one of the cars Peter had seen in the garage on the rare occasion he went down there. Tony continued to the driver’s seat; surprising, as with Peter, he was mostly seen in the backseat on his phone or tablet, with Happy playing his personal chauffer.

Still without a word of explanation.

The teen slowed down, hesitant to get inside. Was he supposed to follow him to the shotgun? He always drove in the back, but that was with Happy. Happy wouldn’t be very happy to sit next to Peter.

Would Mr. Stark be?

As if to answer him, Tony, already behind the wheel, leaned a bit down to look over the window sliding open. He motioned with his head to the seat next to him, a mix of exasperation and slight question on his face.

“That’s – that’s gross, don’t say that again,” Peter commented on Tony’s aphorism to distract him from the awkward stall as he climbed inside. “But… can you, like. Explain? Why did you pull me out of – “

“I talked to Happy yesterday,” interrupted Mr. Stark, starting the car as Peter put on the seatbelt. “…Getting him to talk about you when it’s not absolute, utmost necessity requires at least level ten in friend points, which you definitely don’t have, you probably know,” Peter definitely didn’t know where this way going. “Which leaves – necessity. Keep that in mind. So, yesterday. We’re done talking business, and I’m waiting for him to get out of my lab, because I hate people invading my lab to interrupt with boring, adult stuff – but he brings up _you_.”

Peter opened his mouth, letters forming silently, but none coming out. In the slight pause, he choked out some “uhh” sound, but wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to that. The car rolled to a stop at the red lights and Tony gave him a side-look.

“That. That just screams emergency. If Happy starts talking about you, something has to be really wrong.”

“No! No, no, everything’s fine!” at once, Peter’s ability to talk returned. “I’m – I don’t know why, but it’s – I’m fine. I, uh, that’s nice of Happy, but – “

“Right, you don’t know what I mean yet, but nice try,” Tony waved him off.

“But I know everything’s…”

“Fine. Right. Now shut up and let me finish,” the car lurched at the green light, Tony’s attention going back to the road. He ignored Peter’s spluttering. “Don’t ask me how, just, accept that that’s Happy. And he’s noticed your - I can’t believe I’m saying it. When did I turn into a suburban mom? Uh, your – school troubles, I suppose,” he seemed to be low-key shocked that such a sentence came out of his mouth.

“What.”

A deep sign escaped Tony as he rubbed his eye, driving with one hand, the other propped next to the window.

“Maybe let’s get something first. Hungry? ‘Course you are, the _‘I could eat a truck of burgers and be hungry in an hour’_ enhanced crawler. What do you feel like? Junk? Pizza? Thai? You mention Thai a lot, don’t you? There’s a place… ah, five minutes from here. Good?”

A nod was the most Peter managed to give.

No one picked up the conversation after that.

“Mr. Stark? I’m really confused right now,” he broke the silence after a while.

“What about?” he sounded genuinely curious.

“You get me out of class… somehow, because you’re – you’re not my legal guardian, and I’m pretty sure random people can’t just pull kids out of school if they ask…”

“Random? I’m _Iron Man_ , of course - I can do whatever I want, kid.”

“Right,” Peter bit his lip. “Still, you – “

Before he finished, the car pulled to a stop, the engine going silent (although, let’s be fair, Tony Stark’s engines were already unbelievably quiet while working). He trailed off when he noticed a Thai restaurant, a fancy one that neither Peter nor his aunt would ever go near or had had a chance to visit.

He followed Tony out of car with a sigh, noticing for the first time how casually his mentor was dressed. Outside the labs and the living quarters at the compound, Stark was rarely out of suits. It was a first that the teen saw him in jeans and a hoodie on the streets. He took notice only when Tony locked the car, his hood far up over his face, dark shades – bigger and darker than usual – on his nose.

Instinctively, Peter ducked his head and shrunk into himself as he trailed after him to the restaurant.

They got a table in a secluded corner, partly covered by plants. The waitress who showed them the way was a little bit star-eyed as she passed them the menus, her gaze lingering on Tony before she finally left.

As Peter took a breath to speak, the other man shot him a series of questions about Thai food, one after another, without waiting for an answer. Before he knew it, their orders were brought, and Tony almost didn’t give him a chance to put a word in, all the time leading a mostly one-sided conversation – about everything but Happy’s concerns.

“Are you going to eat or do you like appreciating the visual aspects of meals? I’d think you’d have inhaled it already by –“

“What did Happy tell you?”

Tony’s hand froze before it could get the noodles to his mouth. His eyes shot up to meet Peter’s, and he sighed, taking a quick bite to stall a bit more.

“Eighteen detentions last month alone, disgraceful amount of absent hours – often odd classes mid-day or half a day. I won’t mention the after-class clubs, or nerd groups, or whatever it is you do for ‘fun’ that actually counts in to your records anyway.”

Peter sat frozen on the spot, his face growing hot and red after rapidly paling when Tony began talking.

“I – I – look, I, let me explain – “

“That’s,” Tony pointed at him, silencing with one look, “that’s where we might start.”

“Start?” the teen repeated uneasily.

Sweet Jesus, what did he have on him?

“I solved it all, you’re welcome.”

A beat of silence as Peter blinked at him.

“Seriously,” continued Tony at the lack of response. “Good manners would require to at least say ‘thank you, how graciously wonderful of you, Mr. Stark, you’re the absolute best mentor in the entire universe’ – I did have to take this day off to settle this… really, a word – or a sentence - would be nice right now, I feel like I’m talking to myself.”

“Solved? What do you mean you, you solved it? Ho – “

“Christ. How did May raise you – you keep questioning my unquestionable authority a lot today, kid. But okay, if you can’t just say, alright. You’re welcome, that was a bit of a problem, but for some reason we won’t get into now, or preferably ever, I like having you around, and I feel like your auntie would ground you and throw our multimillion high-tech suit out, once the school called her – and they would, soon, at that rate. We’ll cover it, too. It’s gonna be a long talk, I’m nauseous already. We might need to order desserts.”

“I – I – I’m so confused. Like, I was confused before, but now – okay. Okay,” a deep breath in and out. Peter nodded to himself and glanced up from his plate. Tony seemed to be waiting, patient for once, one eyebrow slightly raised. “You… you came to my school to – to ‘solve’ the problem with my, uh, absences?”

“Among a few other things,” he waved dismissively. “But. First. That. Care to explain? No – no, wait. Let me guess, too busy taking down kittens from trees to sit through boring classes?”

“No,” he frowned, leaning back in his seat. “I only skip for, um, important stuff.”

“Like?”

“Fires. I’m useful with fires 'cause, like, normal people can’t just jump in and out of a burning building and carry out ten people in two minutes,” he played with vegetables around the plate, his stare drilling into his noodles. “Robberies with hostages. Uh, chasing? ‘Cause I swing by real fast? Things like that. Not – not _just_ kittens. And only near enough the school.”

For a while it remained silent, and Peter refused to meet his mentor’s eyes.

“Not kittens, then. Well, I’m glad, that’s – at least you’ve got _some_ priorities,“ he sighed heavily.

Peter didn’t have to look to know Tony was rubbing his face tiredly.

“Okay, we – let’s continue. Are you keeping up with school? Schoolwork wise. Homework, tests, I don’t know, you tell me.”

With hesitancy, Peter slowly glanced up, hunching and digging further into his seat.

“Uhh. I, I’m fine? It’s, school is easy, I do homework before patrols, and. Well. I have to catch up on tests sometimes, but, it’s not – I manage it. Still top of class and all. It’s alright, my grades are fine.”

They sure were after May almost bit his head off about getting that one F because he ignored schoolwork in the name of Spiderman duties. He altered his schedule after that a bit.

“Good. That’s good,” Tony sighed again and Peter shrunk into himself more. “So. Moving on, the... Ugh. Let’s just – look. I’m not really, it’s not my fort, you know,” he gestured vaguely with a hand. Peter, in fact, did not know, but decided to keep that to himself. “I don’t do these kind of talks. But, I feel like you don’t get them either, and you should. You probably should. And, I’m doing you a favor here, by not going to May with, with that everything, so, please, just cooperate, yeah?” at the nod, he took a deep breath and leaned back. “Is someone… bothering you?” he got out, immediately clearing his throat awkwardly (and if it weren’t so embarrassing and confusing, Peter would’ve found it hilarious how not cool and casual Tony Stark was in that moment).

It took him a moment to process what he could possibly mean by that, but when he did his mind halted. Then promptly went into panic mode.

“Nonono, it’s – it’s – nothing – no one is, like, no. No, I’m, totally, yeah, it’s fine. Don’t, like – no, yeah. I, uh. Thanks, just, no. It’s – “

“Kid, you’re giving me spasms, just breathe, okay?” as Peter breathed in, he nodded, and it seemed all too familiar to when Tony entered his classroom about an hour ago. The teen swallowed, nodding to himself, and then started to shake his head to, most likely, protest again. “Okay, no. Stop. I’ve… checked it. You’ve got security cameras in school, didn’t you know?” he added at the confused look that quickly melted into a new wave of panic at his words. “Don’t panic yet. Wait, no, don’t panic at all. Geez, kid, is it such a huge secret?” he paused, leaning his elbows on the table, manners be damned. “No, uh… is it? Am I overstepping some… personal boundaries? If I’m being too… I’m not good at this, it’s not what I usually – just, tell me if I have to bugger off, you don’t have to tell me anything, really,” he tilted his head, unsure, but Peter was shaking his head already, so he didn’t go further into that topic.

“It’s fine, it’s just. You know,” Peter waved his hands around.

“Yeah, I don’t, but alright. It’s okay, right? I can keep going – okay, so. I cannot tell you how many times I had plates of pasta, overpriced – even by my standards – cocktails, and many unidentifiable foods and liquids spilled in my face. And, remember, superheroes get their asses kicked on regular basis, in many different – way more embarrassing ways, than anything a high schooler could come up with. And, let’s be honest, you probably know about plenty humiliating things people have done to me, plus the things I did myself, because you can’t beat that.”

Tony, truth be told, didn’t know where he was going with that. As per usual. But the kid was watching him carefully, slight furrow in his eyebrows, but no more confusion on his face, so Tony must’ve been making some sense.

“That’s,” the teen paused. “Still a bit… different. I get what you… yeah. But you’re Tony Stark, no matter how many embarrassing things you do.”

“Is that supposed to be good?” Tony snorted. “You’re still Peter Parker, even if some losers can’t appreciate that.”

Peter laughed rather humorlessly.

“Yeah, but, the thing is I’m the loser here. They’re just…” he didn’t finish.

“What?” Tony asked a bit more aggressively than he meant to. “They’re just reminding you of that? Is that what you think?” he added after the silence from Peter stretched.

The boy shrugged, and shook his head straightway as if to correct himself. As if his honest answer slipped out before he thought about it.

“Peter,” started Tony, squishing down his discomfort. “Anyone who needs to put down someone else to feel good about themselves is a loser. You’re, and I feel really weird being all serious, all this emotional stuff makes me sick, so – look. You’re one of the smartest kids I’ve ever met. No, backtrack, forget – you’re one of the smartest people I’ve met. For someone your age… those webs, I never would’ve thought a fifteen-year-old could make something like that. That’s just, wow. And, frankly, you’ve done more, you had a, a greater impact on this world and many, many people, than most people - and you’re just fifteen. You’re…” he choked on air, unable to find a word that could describe the boy staring almost blankly at him, that wouldn’t go over his head, but could get through Tony’s throat, “everything but a loser? I mean - these kids can visit the Avengers Compound on a school trip at most, and you sit here with Iron Man spilling compliments over you in a very out-of-character way, and you’ve got access to all these top security labs and facilities that even the President can’t get into, yes, including my private lab because I’m that cool… and you’re, you’re just a really – a really good person, Pete. Honest and serious, here. Weird, I know. But, but, but. It’s them who should be ashamed here, okay? Is what I mean to say. You have nothing to be ashamed of. And you can... Talk about it. You should, in fact.”

For once, Tony didn’t know how to decipher the look on Peter’s face.

A few seconds passed before the boy exhaled loudly, dropping his gaze back to the table. Their food, only half-eaten, must’ve been barely warm at that point. Tony hated how he knew then that besides May and that little shit of a friend who hacked the (Stark-made) suit, the kid didn’t hear good words about himself often.

He sniffed, holding back the angry itch that grew in him at the thought.

After a long while “thank you,” was all Peter got out quietly, digging mindlessly in his noodles.

“Nothing to thank for.”

The teen’s gaze snapped up to his.

“You don’t, you really don’t have to this, though,” his voice was kind of chocked up and Tony fought to ignore that. “I… Thank you, it’s – but you have so much other stuff, like, important stuff, and this, this is just – I don’t care what people at school say, I mean, they don’t even know, yeah? They – they think, uh, I’d think I’m kinda crazy, you know? It’s not – “

“Because of the internship?”

Peter cringed.

“What – what do you – “

“No one believed – by the way, I’m sure I changed their minds today – no one believed you had the internship. Thought you were, what? Lying? Attention seeking?”

“Both?” muttered Peter.

“Right.”

“How do you – “

“I had a talk with the principal,” sighed Tony. At Peter’s alarmed stare, he put up a hand in a calming manner. “I came to talk about the hours, the absent hours… see, Peter, if you just – I don’t have experience with school, or kids, or school kids – definitely not school kids. I kind of skipped that part of life. And, many things, I just don’t think about them. I never… ever thought any of that could be a problem – “

“It’s not! I’m – “

“Stop interrupting me,” he interrupted. “We don’t really do internships for kids below twenty-one. Too much classified information, too dangerous projects to let teenagers roam around… not to mention the dangers of, just, the Avengers. And, I said – me, no high school experience. But you never said anything that would indicate you have problems with presence in classes – by the way, I found out internships usually require some cooperation with the school, so your teachers didn’t really believe it either, but yes, I settled that, too. I had to bullshit your principal a little – a lot a little. Said you’re my personal intern, and yes, Stark Industries don’t do that often, but I scouted you personally… which is actually almost exactly what happened, bar the spandex. The point is, it took me, what? Twenty minutes? Thirty? And it’s mostly dealt with. The mid-day absences were tough, but I’m just amazing like that.”

And he stared expectantly.

“Thank you,” said Peter, looking somewhat shell-shocked.

“No, no, no. That’s – that’s not the point. The point is, you never said. Anything. At all. Not even in passing. Nothing that make me think ‘hey, doesn’t wall-crawling get in the way of school sometimes?’ Nada, Peter, nada,” he shrugged, then returned his attention to the noodles.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” he heard the faint answer.

Without looking up, he could see the face Peter was making. If he had a heart - which he didn’t, he refused to believe that, - it would break a little in that moment. He recognized the same shameful dread he heard in his own voice, all these years ago, when Howard Stark proved everyone time and time again how little he cared about what Tony had to say, but somehow still got angry when his son failed to inform him about something important.

He had to put down the food before he took the bite, as his stomach tugged, sick at the fact he heard this tone of voice directed at him, and from Peter, of all people.

Not that he should be surprised, he thought. He didn’t do much to make the kid think he could come to him with stuff. Tony should know better than anyone else that simply saying: “tell me if something happens” is not enough. Unless you back it up with actions that show the other person, I care, I’m listening, it’s empty, or a “nice thought” that doesn’t mean much at most.

Emotions really were making him sick – he wasn’t exaggerating on that.

It felt like the ferry incident, only he wasn’t mad. But again, it hit him, Peter honestly didn’t think Tony would care. That he’d listen. He probably thought Tony would be annoyed to be asked things, maybe even mad that Peter wants anything from him.

It probably didn’t help they still communicated through Happy, and Tony was left wondering how much more he could fuck up with Peter.

Didn’t the kid prove himself already? He took, admittedly, a liking to the boy the moment he met him. Incredible smarts, huge heart, and little ego. Peter had Tony’s all best qualities, and none of the worst – lots of even more good qualities instead.

Still, he didn’t want to play a bigger part in kid’s life. He had too much ( ~~disasters~~ ) going on in his own, and Happy droned on how the kid was overexcited and annoying, and Tony didn’t think he could do excited right then - …and when did that all change, actually?

Because sitting over Thai with Peter, he couldn’t work up a single reason why he wouldn’t want to be in the teen’s life. Even if that included enthusiastic ramblings about Star Wars and the elder ladies he’d helped the other day, emoticon-filled spamming on his phone, and asking Tony to do things he normally wouldn’t do because he was Tony Stark and he had an image to uphold (until he didn’t really care).

Actually, especially if that was included.

But don’t tell Pepper.

“Give me your phone.”

Peter flinched in surprise and briefly, Tony wondered how long he’d been silent.

“My… phone?” and again, there was confusion.

“No, I was talking to that plant, here – yes, Peter, your phone.”

Wordlessly, though slowly and with no little amount of suspicion, Peter handed him… a very, very old phone.

“Gross, I’ll get you a new one,” he muttered without thinking.

“What?”

Tony didn’t answer, swiping at the cracked (of course it was) screen, and sighing in irritation at the phone freezing when he clicked things too quickly.

“If you need anything,” he passed back the phone, “just text me. Question? Text me. Problem that can’t be fixed by your extremely capable aunt? If she can’t, I probably can’t either – unless it requires pulling some strings in the way only I can, like today – but still, text me, I can try. Or I can pass it to another extremely capable woman, Pepper’s a better bet, you bet.”

“Um, I- I don’t understand?” Peter was going through all levels of confusion that day, it seemed. “Did – did you just give your number?”

“Well noted,” Tony resisted sighing again. He probably wasn’t helping his case being all cool and sarcastic, was he? “Listen, I’m really pushing my limits today. But – Peter. You’re not a bother. I keep tabs on you, but I can’t know everything from school records or your reports to Happy, which, I’ve noticed, have lessened to a couple a month, and while Happy is happy about it, it doesn’t really help me. If I can help with something, I will, I’m not completely heartless – “

“You’re not at all,” Peter said, dazed, like he didn’t register he spoke.

It knocked Tony out of his flow for a second, and he cleared his throat before continuing.

“You just got to, well, as shocking as it may be, but you’ve got to let me know, so I do know, otherwise, without knowing, the doing part can be tricky. And – “ he bit his tongue as he was about to say to not overuse the number. He took a sip of water to cover up his pause. “And I trust you won’t overuse my number. Gosh, I already feel I’ll have to fight you to inform me of what you won’t deem ‘important enough’. Which is, rubbish, it’s rubbish, and let’s be clear – anything, and I mean it: absolutely anything Spidey-related is very much first priority. I’m supposedly mentoring you, aren’t I? Give me a chance, there, kid.”

He turned to his plate, unable to hold Peter’s shocked but very much joyful stare. He waved off the stuttering and ‘thank you’s, and reminded to tuck in the tasty noodles before they go completely cold, and he felt very, very good for some reason. Better than he had all week. Or possibly month.

“So. Your absences to this day are excused. Miraculously. The odd hours were – you can imagine, but. Nothing I can’t do, you lucky bastard. From now on, however, it’s a different story,” he paused, watching with a pang Peter’s bright, still disbelieving smile slip off. “There’s hardly a good excuse to make a kid skip one or two classes in the middle of the day. Thankfully, I’m me, so people expect the worst and the weirdest. Great combo, don’t go for that,” he played with a napkin, wandering with his gaze away from Peter’s worried eyes. “We’ve got to make some rules, I’m afraid.”

“What rules? I still can go when –? Mr. Stark, I can’t let people die because I have a pop quiz!”

When the kid put it like that, it did resonate with Tony. He got that. If Peter struggled with school, that’d leave room for arguments; but he brushed through his classes with ease. The absences were what dug his grave in the school records.

“I do understand that, and I’m sure the people who don’t die thanks to you, are grateful for such perspective from you. But, that’s that.”

“That’s what?”

“Dying. Emergency is if a life is in danger. Nothing – nothing else, understood?” he didn’t wait for Peter to speak. At his nod, Tony continued: “So, then. It’s your third period. You dash for spandex, smash some walls, save the day, and it’s all over before fifth period. Explaining that I have to keep pulling you out of school almost every day was painful and I haven’t tried to charm someone so much since I started hitting on Pepper.”

“TMI, Mr. Stark,” he choked on his noodles.

“But then, two hours of absence?” he went on with a ghost of an amused smirk. “What possibly would I need you for, just for two hours? The drive upstate is over an hour, now.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Personal problems. Anyway – “

“Hold up, hold up!” Peter straightened in his seat. He squirmed, and Tony knew the kid could see right through him already. “What did you tell him?”

He heaved a sigh.

“I might’ve,” he gestured loosely with his hand. “Well. Made him a bit sympathetic to you – had to soften him a bit, so, well, he could buy my bullshit, that’s all it comes down to with – “

“You victimized me.”

Stark ‘tsk’ed, waving his hand about again, at loss for words that would be easier on Peter.

“Strong word, let’s – no, let’s say, I turned to his empathetic side – I was really gambling on that one, not everyone is – “

“What did you tell him?”

“Alright, don’t sweat so much, he won’t be cornering you or calling child services or whatever. Don’t… Right, so. I told him you have a lot of very, very important work on your plate, and you work very, very hard to keep the grades up… I might’ve mentioned something about your aunt, uh,” he cleared his throat at the look thrown at him. “Nothing, too bad, just, how she’s busy, and, well, you don’t – you’re on your own with a lot of things… and! People give you a hard time, what with not believing the internship – that’s where I had to listen through a lecture of how internships should be handled properly, because we did it all wrong, and it was my fault that the school didn’t support your, let’s be honest – one in a million chance to work for Tony Stark… you know, I took a lot of shit on me, to make it believable, you really shouldn’t talk if I made you a bit of a victim. A bit! Just a bit.”

As he talked, Peter kept squawking in protest, but in the end he just sighed, resigned.

“I guess,” he mumbled. “I – sorry you had to – “

“Don’t. Just don’t,” he resisted rolling his eyes. “My idea, wasn’t it? Or did you telepathically send me instructions to do that? I said what I said. Depending on your faculty’s humanity levels, you might be getting some concerned looks – they’ll get over it, shut up. Anyway, your mid-day hours were your mental breakdown hours – peer pressure, teasing, scolding from teachers, that stuff weights, the principal was… semi-understanding. He did accept it as an excuse in the end. But, we come to the initial point – now they’ll be treating you like an egg on a spoon. That excuse can work two-three times a month, maybe, but let’s not push it. So, when you have to leave mid-day, you don’t come back, no matter how important test and whatnot you have later in the day – you can’t go back to school, or be seen anywhere near it that day. I’ll make some alarm, protocol – something that’ll call the school to let you out. We stick to being called in to the compound, and you’re just done very early, capiche?”

“Are you – are you serious?” the teen shook his head, his face going back and forth between shock and a grin. “That’s – you – thank you so much! Wow, I – Mr. Stark, thank you so, so – “

“Did you think I prioritize rules and homework over people’s lives? Disappointed, Parker, is what I am. With a capital D. But remember – only life and death emergencies. Top notch important stuff. Don’t overuse it.”

“Sure! Of course, yeah, I – it’s – thank you. You’re seriously the best,” a huge weight seemed to fall off Peter’s shoulders.

“Don’t mention it. No, really, don’t. Another thing – let’s keep the details to minimum when reporting to your auntie, yeah? Unless you want me to get a warrant to keep away from you, we have to skip over the part where I encourage you to skip school, got it?” he pointed at Peter with his best ‘don’t test me’ look.

It was surprising the kid’s neck didn’t snap at how quickly he nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, I feel you, she’d – yeah. I’ll just, somehow, make it sound like you’re being responsible – I mean! Like, boring, rule-following responsible, you’re – I’m not saying you’re not responsible – shutting up, yeah. But really, thanks, thank you so much, sir.”

At the (enthusiastic) confirmation, Tony leaned back against his seat, throwing a folded napkin on the empty plate (and he couldn’t remember why would he ever think overenthusiastic would be too much for him).

“Fantastic. Feel like having some ice cream? I’d go for ice cream, I’ve got the day off, after all – and so do you, funny how that happened, huh? Just don’t tell me you don’t like ice cream, you’d be so fired.”

He couldn’t help a slight pull at the corners of his lips as Peter grinned at him.

“I love ice cream.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so. my first fanfic here. yay!!  
> i used to post on ff.net, but it's the first fanfic from marvel i'm posting. i actually have like 7 other in the works but i have a problem with consistency (don't we all?).  
> tbh i'm not entirely happy with this chapter, i wrote it a long, long time ago, but if i keep rewriting, i'll never post or finish anything. progress over perfection, am i right?  
> cheers to you all, have a wonderful day you wonderful humans! love ya


	2. start twitter drama and dash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash @yoursonlyflash  
> so @peterparkour hired a tony stark look-alike today bc he wasn’t getting enough attention now that he ended the stark internship lie lmao. who’s penis did u suck to pay for that, penis? lol I thought u couldn’t get lower than that
> 
> Peter Parker @peterparkour  
> [Replying to @yoursonlyflash]  
> u know i can report u for that right?
> 
> Flash @yoursonlyflash  
> go ahead, people still know it’s tru lol
> 
> Katy W @catkat  
> that’s low of u too flash. tho u could give up already parker. or u gonna bring back the “stark internship” now that “iron man” came to our school adjdhfg
> 
> \----
> 
> Peter woke up to his phone blowing up with notifications.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus fucking christ i'm so stressed. your response was so!! so!!! wonderful!!!!! thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, bookmarked and subscribed <3
> 
> a lot of you mentioned peter and tony were very in-character and?? thank you so much?? but i'm anxious if i can live up to it in next chapters, so a word of warning:
> 
> this chapter won't have much stuttering bc there isn't much embarassement, but we've got plenty of banter and awkwardness to make up for it! also, most people is a lot more forward through text - just sayin' ((:

2.

 

Tony didn’t mean to become ~~a helicopter parent~~ so involved in Peter’s life, but he could safely deem it his favorite accident out of many. If he were to keep tabs on the boy, though, he of course ought to do it himself, not through Happy. Which Happy would be very happy about.

(This joke never got old.)

With that in mind, the first thing after coming home from his “day off”, was to ease Hap off that responsibility. Tony didn’t doubt his friend would still be involved with Peter, still the kid’s personal driver (as Tony liked to point out with a smirk) and all, but for all the grumbling and eye-rolling, the topic of their shared spider problem came up quite often – often without Tony’s prompting.

Happy could stick his unhappy faces (yup, hilarious) up his ass, Tony wouldn’t believe any of that “I hate this kid” bullshit, because honestly, they both adored the boy, however much in denial they were over it.

But that brought a lot of confusion. The inside of Tony’s head reminded a bit of a trash jungle with disorganized thought bunnies swinging on trashy vines with wild cries, each begging for attention.

…not his best metaphor.

His focus was all over the place, so to speak, and most of the work stayed in FRIDAY’s non-existent hands. For that reason, he almost missed the bar of information about Twitter, barely visible amidst all the tabs hanging in the air in front of Tony.

When his eyes skipped over it, though, and promptly returned, his focus tunneled on the small text: _“@peterparkour has tagged @yoursonlyironman 274 times”_.

 

* * *

 

 

_where do I apply to be @yoursonlyironman_

_I can’t believe what’s happening. where’s @yoursonlyironman_

_AND WHO WAS RIGHT @yoursonlyironman IS KICKING ASS YALL CAN KISS MY ASS_

_shitttttttt @yoursonlyironman_

_@nedled that’s the second time in my life i like practically stood next to @yoursonlyironman that’s gotta mean something_

_@yoursonlyironman just single-handedly saved the world just sayin_

  
_just lost my crap. did you?? see?? Avengers on tv?? u see that upgrade on iron man’s suit??? @yoursonlyironman HOW DO YOU DO THAT i’m hyperventilating_

  
  
_black widow is badass af if @yoursonlyironman wasn’t my ult fav she’d be my fav avenger_

  
  
_this is such a mess can ppl chill with hating @yoursonlyironman_

  
  
_hello to everyone and especially those who appreciate the crap out of @yoursonlyironman and his suits bc this shit genius_

  
  
_oh great we’re on the hating @yoursonlyironman roll again? What’d he do?? breathed????_

  
  
_I??? got??? an internship??? at SI????? what is my life??? is this real???? @nedled r u crying????_

  
  
_…at the internship….i kinda…sorta…made myself look dumb… in front of @yoursonlyironman why am i like this goddd kill me. just stab me with a spoon, I just don’t know when to shut up_

  
  
_[reply to @yoursonlyironman, @JJRdas]_

_TEA #teamironman_

If anyone were to ask if Tony really read through all the 274 tweets from Peter, he’d deny it with a snarky remark and unimpressed face. If anyone asked Pepper, he still wouldn’t admit to anything, especially to himself, even though his fiancé knew better, and she’d make sure to inform everyone about it.

Tony wasn’t a stranger to social media, he knew people tagged famous people for no particular reason and it wasn’t that personal. The almost 300 tweets spanned over years, too, practically since Peter had made his account. And the boy – _Jesus_ – he tweeted a shit-ton every day, no joke.

Still, seeing Gen Z Peter in his natural habitat, screaming into the void of the internet, was quite… an otherworldly experience to Tony. The Internet Peter was a stark contrast to Peter Around Tony, who, he had noticed already, was also a stark contrast to Spider-Man Peter.

Tony was only a little (lies) sorry he figured out these things from ~~stalking~~ doing an information check on the kid, instead, like, normal human interaction.

With a sigh, he closed all the tabs with a swipe of his hand, and the light dimmed instantly. He considered turning up the lights, now he’d shut down the holograms illuminating the space. Then again, he had the day off, and a lot on his mind – Pepper would be glad to see him done with work at a reasonable hour, for once.

“We’re calling it a night, FRI,” he told the AI, getting up and stretching. “Goodnight, dear.”

“Goodnight, boss.”

As he started towards the exit, he pulled out his Starkphone, a jumble of incoherent thoughts still swirling aimlessly in his head. He tried not to decipher what the discovery of Peter’s Twitter account made him feel. He definitely wasn’t resisting a smile, if anyone was wondering. The observation that his handle popped up very rarely in Peter’s tweets these days surely didn’t sting. And he absolutely didn’t waste time scrolling through some of the latest activity from the kid, even though there was next to nothing about him, and all about Star Wars, daily life, with the bonus of friendly banter with @nedled and @MJones, and some less friendly teasing from @yoursonlyflash – and if that last notice didn’t make Tony snort.

And then, his blood boil.

 

 **Flash** _@yoursonlyflash_

so @peterparkour hired a tony stark look-alike today bc he wasn’t getting enough attention now that he ended the stark internship lie lmao. who’s penis did u suck to pay for that, penis? lol I thought u couldn’t get lower than that

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

[Replying to @yoursonlyflash]

u know i can report u for that right?

 **Flash** _@yoursonlyflash_

go ahead, people still know it’s tru lol

 **Katy W** _@catkat_

that’s low of u too flash. tho u could give up already parker. or u gonna bring back the “stark internship” now that “iron man” came to our school adjdhfg

 

* * *

 

 

Peter woke up to his phone blowing up with notifications.

Before he was even fully awake, he squinted at the screen and sat up in his bed, opening the Twitter app.

_What the hell._

He got the notice about filtering through his notifications because he got so many that night. Dread filled him up as he mentally checked through possible explanations of his sudden fame, the reveal of Spider-Man’s identity leading the list. He held his breath, praying it was just Flash dicking around and making him the butt of a joke that went viral. Peter could take that. He could deal with being turned into a meme – he’d be honored, actually, even if people made fun of him for that.

Neither of the scenarios turned out to be true. Nothing Peter would ever think up could measure up to what actually happened.

 

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

That’s my favorite intern you’re defaming, buddy. You have 24 hours to deactivate. Or got any good ideas to make me change my mind? Tic-tok, tic-tok, tic-tok.

[quote]

 **Flash** _@yoursonlyflash_

so @peterparkour hired a tony stark look-alike today bc he wasn’t getting enough attention now that he ended the stark internship lie lmao. who’s penis did u suck to pay for that, penis? lol I thought u couldn’t get lower than that

 

Peter blinked a few times at the screen, unsure if he was still dreaming. He clicked on Tony’s handle, which he was 100% sure did belong to Tony, but maybe in his sleepy state Peter was seeing things wrong.

But, nope – @yoursonlyironman definitely was Tony Stark’s account and… _follows you?_

“What the – “ he whispered.

It took him a while to find his way around the notifications – there were many, but if you really looked at the numbers, he didn’t blow up _that_ much. People just mentioned him in tweets about Tony’s last tweet, and in replies. A couple hundred people had followed him, even, for some reason.

He found at least the one notification he had been looking for: _@yoursonlyironman followed you._

Peter might’ve or might’ve not screamed.

What was going on? Why Mr. Stark decided to –

Oh. Yesterday. They went for Thai, ice cream, then drove to the compound, and Peter spent possibly some of the best hours in his whole life there, in Tony Stark’s private workshop, getting more education in fifteen minutes than in a year of high school (in his opinion). And, to make his life more unbelievable, he had dinner with Mr. Stark and Miss Potts while Brooklyn Nine Nine played in the air, because who needs TV when you can project anything right there in the middle of the kitchen.

Apparently he had befriended Iron Man without noticing it.

He quickly returned to the original tweet that had caused everything.

 

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

[Replying to @yoursonlyironman]

MR STARK YOU CAN’T JUST TELL PEOPLE TO DEACTIVATE

 

Puffing out his cheeks as he sighed, Peter shook his head and got up to get ready for school.

 

 

His life was getting weirder by the day. 

 

 **Tony Stark** @yoursonlyironman

[Quoting _@yoursonlyflash_ ]

That’s my favorite intern you’re defaming, buddy. You have 24 hours to deactivate your account.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

[Replying to @yoursonlyironman]

MR STARK YOU CAN’T JUST TELL PEOPLE TO DEACTIVATE

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

Sure I can. Hey @yoursonlyflash deactive. Maybe first change your name while at it.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

mr stark we talked abt it “im tony stark” isn’t a real excuse

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

Uh, sure it is. Check my Wikipedia page.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

okay I did and? it has a whole section?? did u write it yourself???

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

For YOU it may be surprising, but some people love me. Even more than I love myself. Take notes, Parker.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

didn’t u say the same thing but with hating… literally yesterday?

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

You’re ruining my reputation, here.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

yeh, sorry, i know u work hard for this “problematic fave” aesthetic

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

You’re fired.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

im not

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

You’re grounded.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

u cant ground me

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

we’ve been over this mr. stark

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

u took my pizza privilege yesterday too

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

DID U SERIOUSLY BLOCK ME

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

M R  S T A R K

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

C O M E  O N

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

U STARTED IT U CANT DO THIS TO ME IM SORRY @happyhogan TELL HIM TO UNBLOCK ME

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

HE BLOCKED ME TOO AFHJVKJADJHL

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

ok not rly surprising but

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

aksdjha miss @PepperPotts please

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

ur my last hope. i have your phone numbers pls don’t make me do it

 **Pepper Potts** _@PepperPottsOfficial_

You, boys, are a PR nightmare. :)

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

im sorryyyy ):

 **Hogan** _@happyhogan_

Don’t you have school?

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

omw. Ccmon mr starkkkk

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

That’s exactly why I didn’t want kids.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

didn’t?? past tense?? want to tell us something mr. stark

 **Tony Stark** _@yoursonlyironman_

Next time I’ll block you and your phone number. And take away your access. And block Karen, too. You’ll be seeing me only through TV.

 **Peter Parker** _@peterparkour_

that sounds fake but okay

 

And that was how it started.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s not like Tony was blind. He saw the signs, he registered what they meant in the back of his mind. Even his friends – first Pepper, then Happy and Rhodey who never even properly met the damn kid – started pointing out his unusual approach to ‘mentoring’.

“You mean parenting?” Rhodey took a spoonful of yoghurt.

“That’s way past mentoring,” agreed Pepper, putting on a lid on her coffee cup before dashing to a meeting.

Yes, okay, his involvement with the kid was verging on “highly personal” and “parental”, but they didn’t have to rub it in his face when he was still in emotional denial.

Apparently, though, even the kid had noticed and decided to make use of it.

“I’m not gonna bother you,” said Peter, sounding as if someone was pinching his nose. He blinked sluggishly, too. “It’s just warm and nice here, you know? Always the perfect temperature and at home I have to keep correcting the thermostat, and I have to get up for that, and it’s so annoying, you know? I get all comfy in a blanket burrito and then I have to – “

At least Tony thought that was what he said, as decoding his nasal, slurred speech turned out to be quite a challenge.

“Okay, okay, I draw the line at blanket burritos. Knock yourself out,” he gestured to the couch, “I don’t care. Do you need something?”

“Nah,” mumbled Peter, drifting slowly to the couch. “Thank you.”

He rolled over the backrest and fell like a brick on the seats.

Well. There’s that.

“FRIDAY,” muttered Tony when he was out of Peter’s hearing range. “Find ways to deal with sick kids and send the best juice on my phone.”

That was how the next day, he found himself shopping.

As in, physically going out to shop.

God.

The corner shop was right next to Tony’s New York penthouse, so the trip wouldn’t take longer than fifteen minutes – as opposed to _at least_ forty minutes wait from the quickest delivery he found online. And Tony was anything but patient.

The thing was, no medicine could help Peter. All he had, he had given the kid. Some leftovers from Steve, some stuff from Helen… they diminished a lot of the symptoms, but if Peter was sick, he had to sick it out and heal on his own.

Thankfully, he didn’t get sick often with his metabolism and the healing factor. Still, obviously, he wasn’t 100% immune.

After he’d come to Tony the previous day, they decided with May that he could stay there for the time being. Tony worked from home most of the time anyway, and there was Pepper in the mornings and evenings, and he had access to drugs that would at least affect the kid slightly without destroying his liver.

“If it’s not too much trouble, Tony,” May had said. “I wish I could be there for him, but I always left him at home alone anyways. He used to get sick a lot – I guess not anymore, but I’d rather leave the sick days to spend time with him or celebrations… you know how it is. You never know when something comes up. And he’s a big boy now. But if he can stay with you at least when I’m at work, I’d feel better that someone’s there to watch him.”

So, a nanny. Tony became a nanny.

“Sure,” he had answered anyway. “He can stay over until he’s good. Can’t imagine driving morning-evening would do him any good.”

And what exactly possessed him to say that?

"How often do you change the diaper again?"

May hung up with a laugh.

Still, there he was, probably smothering the kid way too much, getting tons of snacks (organic and the most nutritious junk food he could find). Doing groceries because he didn’t want to wait too long for delivery.

“And he’s back!” Tony announced himself grandly the second he stepped into the living room. The door slid closed behind him. The blanket burrito didn’t answer. “I’ve got everything a sick Spider-Kid would need,” that elected a groan from the burrito. “Not medicine, obviously. But all the other good stuff. Snacks, drinks, tissues, tissues bin, a bin for the tissues bin…” he ignored the faint _‘what’_ , going to take everything out of the bags. The sound of potato chips, which he was counting on, didn’t move the burrito, but his next words did: “And Legos.”

At that, a head peeked out of one side of the burrito – and honestly, until then Tony didn’t know if he was talking to the head or the ass.

“Legos?” Peter repeated nasally, his gaze finally landing on all the purchases laid on the coffee table in front of him. “Oh my God. I thought you went to, to - to buy, like, a pack of Lay’s and - soda? I - Oh my Go – _Mr. Stark.”_

“What?” he spread out his hands. “Aren’t you bored? You like Legos, don’t you?”

“I – Yes, it’s just – Jesus,” suddenly he started laughing, pausing only to cough until he couldn’t laugh anymore. Tony hovered over him awkwardly, patting his back.

“Drink that,” he passed him a bottle of Sprite. “I didn’t know if you were nauseous but it’s good to be prepared.”

“I’m good,” croaked Peter, then took a sip and cleared his throat. “Not feeling like eating, but not feeling like throwing up, so.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” mumbled Tony. “Alright, well, anyway. Treat it as precaution. And I picked out stuff that’s - supposedly - easy on the stomach, so you have to eat some of it or I’m throwing a fit. And Legos. I guess. Do… whatever you do usually with that.”

That successfully got Peter to sit up, still wrapped in blankets and sniffing, but with a tired smile gracing his face.

"Thank you," he reached for snacks with a dopey grin. "You really didn't have to..."

"Well, duh," Tony rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the couch he was leaning against. "The only person who can make me do _anything_ I don't wanna do is Pepper. Starts with a P, too, but that's as far as you get."

Lies.

Lies, lies, lies.

The spring in the step. The ability to squeeze a smile out of him without addressing the issue behind his scowl. The sudden laughs when he caught them off guard with a joke. The silent comfort when they sat and let Tony slowly work out his emotions, with their understanding eyes. Pepper Potts and Peter Parker shared more in common than just initials, more than any of them knew.

Only Tony did. Funny how he subconsciously boxed them - in particular - as his… family. But just _subconsciously_.

"You alright here? You good, right? You'll tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get me if you need anything, yeah?"

Peter slowly bopped his head affirmative and Tony pretended to observe him to check for anything he might not be telling, in reality simply reluctant himself to leave (but we're not opening this can of worms anytime soon).

"Thanks," mumbled the teen again, stupidly buried under all those blankets, with stupidly messed up head and bleary eyes, and stupidly genuine smile, as if Tony wasn't leaving him there all alone.

"Right," sighed the man, ruffling Peter's hair, therefore messing them up further (cue the tired groan from the blanket burrito).

He left.

 

* * *

 

 

"Not a word."

Pepper bit her lips, not particularly worried about listening to her fiancé, but somewhat concerned with keeping quiet to let the teenager on her couch sleep.

She took a deep breath and waltzed into the living room, her heels left at the door. Tony observed her growing smile with a flat look.

"So, you're done with that design you were _sure_ to finish today?" she whispered.

"It's not that important," he muttered.

"I mean, I believe that," she smirked and Tony threw his head back in exasperation, anticipating her next words. "You've had more important things to do today," she pointed with her chin.

Her fiancé shook his head, unimpressed, throwing an arm over his face instead of gracing her with an answer. He immediately froze, though, and carefully peeked under his arm to check that the teenager using him as his personal napping pillow didn't wake up.

"Don't. Just, don't."

Pepper smiled at him sweetly, opening the camera app, knowing full well he couldn't do anything about it.

 

* * *

 

 

 **The Onion** _@TheOnion_

Someone noticed Tony Stark's "favorite intern" is 15 while the Stark Industries don't hire anyone under 18 and we're here for it.

[article link: "Stark's intern isn't an intern - so who is he?"]

3K replies

| 

43K retweets

| 

132K likes  
  
---|---|---  
  
 

 **E! News** _@enews_

Speculations about Tony Stark's "intern" are growing hot. You won't believe what we found!

[article link: "Stark and his "intern" get exposed"]

1,6K replies

| 

96K retweets

| 

113K likes  
  
---|---|---  
  
 

 **BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

It's official - there's something weird going on with Iron Man and his intern. So we went undercover to snoop and this is what happened.

[article link: "Iron Man's intern is a meme. Here's proof."]

2,4K replies

| 

81K retweets

| 

162K likes  
  
---|---|---  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sure hope it wasn't tragic. honestly, i kind of went with the flow of the story. i wasn't even planning on sick!Peter but he just happened. it might look like there's so storyline at the moment, but i swear i don't what i'm doing but i'll figure it out.
> 
> also, peter is all of us and you know this
> 
> lots of love to you all!! <3


	3. Peter says YOLO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DAY 24
> 
>  
> 
> Peter's life was getting out of hand.
> 
> The spider bite aside; fighting with the Avengers in Germany, getting a multimillion-dollar suit, crashing a plane while outside of said plane, getting ice cream with Iron Man, and then, being dubbed as the Stark bastard, Stark's sugar baby or a teen prodigy (depending on who you asked) – it all kept piling up and adding to the madness.
> 
> So. Let's track this from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello nerds
> 
> i had this chapter written for a while tbh but i kind of forgot about it and kept procrastinating on writtin lol. so, at least i'll get a headstart on the next chapter anddd i re-read this one for good measure. 
> 
> i'm thinking of making it a series and throw in a couple of "missing scenes" sort of thing? like, i don't want to drag it out and try (try being the key word) to keep the pacing, but i feel like this story needs some filler scenes with just pure fluff (and possibly angst/hurt/comfort in the future). nothing that aids the plot, really, but. idk. am i making any sense??
> 
> anyways, thank you so so so so so so much!! i love you guys nghhh, you're amazing. i hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

3.

 

DAY 24

 

Peter's life was getting out of hand.

The spider bite aside; fighting with the Avengers in Germany, getting a multimillion-dollar suit, crashing a plane while outside of said plane, getting ice cream with Iron Man, and then, being dubbed as the Stark bastard, Stark's sugar baby or a teen prodigy (depending on who you asked) – it all kept piling up and adding to the madness.

So. Let's track this from the beginning.

 

* * *

 

 

DAY 1

 

He gets Thai with Mr. Stark which somehow leads to a late dinner at the penthouse and a huge grin on Peter's face as he leaves.

 

DAY 2

 

Peter wakes up and finds out Mr. Stark is the 'low-key clingy' kind of friend. Result? Flash gets threatened on Twitter (promptly losing his shit, unsure if he wanted to rip Peter a one or thank him for Iron Man direct-quoting him); Peter gets a couple hundred new followers, and some media outlets half-heartedly pick up on "protective Iron Man" drama - which doesn't really take off and people don't really care. It's 2016 and people respond with pics of their pets under fake scandal articles.

Only Iron Hearts - as Tony's fanbase called themselves - lost their shit that day. To be fair, though, they lost their shit every time anyone writes a word about Tony or posts a candid photo.

Until someone does care.

 

DAY 22

And Peter wakes up again to – once again – his phone blowing up with notifications, and finds out the whole world is speculating if he's Tony Stark's secret child (his intelligence and _brown eyes_ being valid proof); or the Tony Stark of his generation that Stark Industries wanted to condition for their own profit; or perhaps a publicity stunt because apparently Peter was cute (pardon??) and their Twitter interaction was too heart-melting to be real (come again, lady???).

There were also concerns voiced as to why an adult man would take an interest in a child, and some very disgusting suspicions that Peter pretended didn't exist, thank you very much, he didn't need the mental image.

All in all, everything seemed to go down when he was asleep. Which, rude. He'd rather be awake and present for this sort of dramatic lifestyle changes.

"Peter," Ned finally moved his dropped jaw. "Peter, dude, you've got three million followers on Instagram."

"Yeah, I - three? Already?" he jumped to the phone and stared in disbelieve at the offensive '3M'. "Geez, I checked - what, an hour ago?"

"This is wild."

The mulled over the new revelation in silence until the number suddenly switched to '3,1M followers'.

Then they stared some more.

"Well, that escalated quickly," said Peter at least.

And wasn't that an understatement of the century.

Three days that he spent dying on Tony's couch. In those three days everything blew up. The first day someone pointed out he couldn't be an intern at fifteen years old, the second day the Internet thoroughly stalked all his social media profiles and sniffed out people who knew him personally, and the third day it became a huge conspiracy after statements from Midtown High students were released.

The one saying he's a _'charity case'_ and _'Stark's probably preparing something for the poor orphans'_ and _'Peter's just a part of the marketing campaign'_ \- yeah, he could tell who it came from.

The others were mild, but they all agreed on one thing: there was something weird going on.

_"Got the internship out of nowhere, the teachers didn't know anything, I don't know, man. Looked fishy, y'know? I mean, even the older folk thought he was bullshitting, so."_

_"Disappeared a lot. Didn't stick around for detention, too. Dunno how he's still here."_

_"Dropped all the extracurriculars. He took a lot, did a lot… Just dropped everything one day. Even the Homecoming Dance, I heard…"_

_"Heard he knows Spider-Man. I mean, we were like 'he's crazy, dude' but it was his best friend - I asked around, you know, after everything happened. Apparently Parker wasn’t happy about it going around. Like, it was a secret and his friend went around saying it…"_

_"No one believed it, even the teachers."_

_"Didn't want to talk about anything. Like, c'mon! You work for Tony Stark! I'd tell everyone about it."_

_"Even stopped being top of the class for a while. Saw he had a talk with the principal, it got better after that."_

_"Looks stressed, like, all the time. Guess, with that job…"_

_"Yeah, he's been a bit different since the internship started."_

The media ate it up.

Peter was just waiting to appear in an honorary BuzzFeed Unsolved episode. He was pretty sure there was a theory going around already that aliens kidnapped him and Stark's trying to save the real Peter, so he put a fake one in his place so no one expects anything.

Internet is a wild place.

"That's not bad," said Tony, buttering his toast.

"Not - not bad? _Not bad?_ They think I'm a - I'm - a robot? Or something? They think - I don't know - _what_ are they even thinking? Hired an actor and gave him a surgery to look like me? Built an android?"

"I mean, is it that far-fetched?"

The teenager slapped his palms flat on the counter, staring Mr. Stark dead in the eye. He slowly leaned forward, almost going cross-eyed as he dived deep into Tony's personal bubble, boring eyes into him.

The man continued munching on his toast, unperturbed.

"What? Have you talked to my AI, _hm_? Sounds hundred percent human. A little voice sample and voilà! …Well, not voilà, but almost voilà. Would need a realistic - super… _super_ -duper extra realistic body, but. If anyone could do that, I totally would. A bit of work on the skin, it's the most tricky part - and the eyes… but I'd pull that off. I'm telling you, kid - hey, you know what - "

"Mr. Stark, please, I'm relying on you to be the responsible adult."

Tony chocked on his toast.

"Terrible choice, really," he coughed out, massaging his chest. Straightening, he reached for the fruit bowl. "Wanna a banana?"

Peter gave the offered banana a flat look. Tony wiggled it for good measure.

"I'll, uh. I'll pass. Thanks," said Peter dryly.

Shrugging, Tony put the banana in his jeans back pocket, which, _wow._ Okay. That's risky. But Peter wasn't about to judge.

"Kiddo," said the man, walking around the kitchen island to give him a reassuring shoulder-squeeze. "Just keep being yourself and they'll get bored."

The teenager gaped at him.

"That's - wow, _rude_. Jesus. Just stab my eyes out with a fork, it'd hurt _less_."

Mr. Stark scrunched his nose, hovering instead of going to the lab like he'd planned.

"Are you okay?"

" _No_ ," Peter pushed himself off the barstool. "You just said I'm so boring people will - "

"No. _No_. Ah, not - not my best - yeah, not what I meant," Tony rubbed his eyes. "I meant, don't do anything _crazy_. Okay? They're expecting a dancing monkey right now, so - just be, well. You," he received another unimpressed glare. "Not that you're boring, geez. No one's interesting enough for the media unless they _want_ to be. Just, just be a regular teenager, don't engage too much. They're gonna leave you alone if you don't start doing surprise backflips from a windowsill on the third floor."

Peter crossed his arms defensively, frowning at the floor.

"I guess," he mumbled.

"See?" the man spread his arms, then clasped hands together, bouncing on his feet. "Ready to nerd? I'm ready to nerd. Got a mid-nerd snack and all," he patted his banana.

That squeezed a reluctant smile out of Peter.

"Mr. Stark, has anyone ever told you you're, like - don't take it the wrong way - you're so _weird_ for someone so reputable _._ "

"They're too afraid, I think," mused Tony, giving him a slight push towards the corridor. "And Pepper and Rhodey - it goes without saying. Literally. It's a secret but we're telepathically connected. I can hear all their insults."

"What did Miss Potts think of your burrito blanket, then?"

Sweet innocent Pete, he had no clue he was the culprit to Tony's, admittedly, weirdest invention up to date.

"Ah, no, nope. You're too young to hear _that._ "

 

 

_"Your hot."_

"I'm begging you."

_"Thicccccccccccccer than a bowl of oatmeal… ILYSM!"_

"Don't."

 _"_ Oh, my - DUDE. _Bend me over and break my back, king - "_

"Never do that voice again, ugh. Also, _what???_ \- "

_"Can we appreciate the softest boi Peter Parker?"_

"Please, _stop_."

_"What a precious cinnamon roll like him does around someone like Stark fr."_

"That's - what's _that_ supposed to mean?" Peter jerked up, tumbling from his bed to crawl over to Ned. He grabbed his friend's phone, looking over his shoulder. "What problem do they have with Mr. Stark? Hold on, which photo is it? That’s it, I'm gonna fight them."

Peter came to his friend in a dire need of comfort and support in those dark, dark times.

Instead, Ned had been reading comments under Peter's year old selfie on Instagram, almost kneeling over laughing.

Peter would love to tell him he wasn't his best friend anymore, but his only other option was MJ, who, let's be honest, would be even worse.

"Uh, dude, weren't you supposed to keep low?" Ned crawled back to the bed after him.

Barely pausing, the teenager shrugged.

"I'm sick of everyone hating on Mr. Stark," he mumbled, already browsing through comments under the selfie, trying to find the offensive one.

"Yeah, but isn't it gonna make it worse - ?"

"Maybe, Ned," he sighed deeply through his nose. "I don't know, but it's a hundredth comment like that and I'm so done with it."

"But Mr. Stark doesn't seem bothered - "

"But _I_ am - ah, gotcha. Besides, it's no big deal - I'll just say… um… _enjoying… the presence… of the best… person… in the… world._ Ironic smile emoji. That's mild, right?"

He looked to Ned. Ned didn't seem all into this idea, so he shrugged with a very concerned face. Peter ignored him and pressed send.

 

* * *

 

 

Day 24

So, that's how Peter came to be in his predicament.

Did he regret not keeping his mouth shut on social media platforms? Uh, yeah, a bit. But he'd regret not defending Mr. Stark even more, _so YOLO_ , he thought.

It couldn't be that bad anyway.

Yeah. _YOLO_ , he reminded himself Sunday evening, reading with a frown on why BuzzFeed thought he was a living meme.

"YOLO, Parker, _YOLO_ ," he whispered to himself, somewhat desperately, upon noticing a horde of reporters in front of his school, managing to duck from their sight on just the last second.

He quickly dialed the number.

"Alright, I did not think it through," he rubbed at his face with a hand.

"Reporters?" said Tony, unsurprised.

"Yup. Like, a bazillion of them."

"That doesn't sound likely."

"I'm telling you. I'm gonna enter through the window in the cafeteria. Pray I won't get in trouble for it," he peeked around the corner at the awaiting paparazzi.

"Uh, how about you wait, and I, you-proclaimed The Responsible Adult - "

"That doesn't sound likely," said Peter breezily, already trudging around the school grounds.

"I have it filed away along with every single thing you've ever said I might use against you at some point."

"Wow, ever wonder why you don't have many friends?"

"Trust issues and past trauma doubled with insanely high risk job and lifestyle?"

"That sure sounds nicer than just being _rude_ , but, you know," he threw a look around. Unable to spot anyone, he easily jumped over the fence.

"What - what part of it is _nice_ to you, exactly? That's - "

"Okay, not _nice_. But, like. More dramatic? More, um - more like 'aw, that's sad, it's not your fault, buddy' and not like 'damn, you need to work on yourself, man' - you feel me?"

"The window on the left," it took Peter a second to process what Tony meant.

"Are you watching me through the security cameras?" despite his indignation, he stepped towards the window on the left to the one he was aiming for.

"And inside the school. Or do you prefer sticking with prayers? Oh, and duck. Stick to the ground. For once," he muttered the last part.

As Peter slipped through the window, he realized (and silently thanked his mentor, immediately dropping to the floor) why on the left. Opposite to him, the view from the outside was obscured with two vending machines, but on the right, he could spot people passing by and, from a distance, a couple cameras.

"Alleluia, praise the Iron Lord," he mumbled in thanks, sneaking under the radar in a crouch.

A hearty laugh rang in his ear.

"No prob, kiddo. I think you slipped by them - if you didn't, though, it's gonna be hilarious. I'm so… correction, I _have_ saved the footage in that file of things I might use against you," he trailed off suddenly as Peter groaned, squeezing through the door as inconspicuously as he could. As the teen opened his mouth to sass him back, Tony started laughing. "Replay, Fri - oh lord, this is a golden mine, Pe - " the sentence dissolved in a new wave of laughter.

Sighing, Peter finally reached his locker, half-wondering if Ned was trying to find him at the front of the school to play bodyguard for him, half-imagining how he'd just rolled through the window and squat-crawled to avoid getting into anyone's peripheral vision. A sense struck him that he'd probably see the recording of the latter sometime in his near future.

"Right. Thanks for being the responsible adult, then. Uh, see you around?" he held up the phone to his ear with a shoulder.

"Sure, bud," Tony sounded far too amused for his liking. "See you around."

Peter hung up when he heard the video replaying again in the background.

Three sighs and a repacked backpack later, Ned finally appeared at his side. Eyes wide and round like platters, mouth hanging open, he looked around widely before even noticing his friend's outstretched hand for their special handshake.

"Dude," he whispered with wonder, nearly messing up the handshake twice.

"Hey, buddy, what took you so long?" Peter leaned against his closed locker.

"There are SO many reporters, man - how'd you get here? Did you… _thwip-thwip?_ " he moved to make Spider-Man's signature gesture, but his friend quickly caught his hands.

"Ned. Buddy. The light of my life. Please, be careful now," he said lowly, still holding Ned's wrist. "We're not invisible anymore."

"Right. Right," the teenager nodded rapidly.

"This is serious," said Peter despite his previous casual approach while talking to Tony.

Only when Ned swore on his family, Star Wars collection and everything he held dear, did Peter let go.

"So, what now? And how did you avoid the reporters? I thought I'd have to help you and looked around," bless his soul," or that Happy - or Iron Man! That would be so cool! I thought that Iron Man's security could escort you - that's so awesome, too, I kinda hoped I'd get to be escort with you… you know, as your Guy In The Chair," of course, "but here you are. Or is Iron Man here? Did you take the back - "

"Mr. Stark is home, Ned, no one escorted me. I came in through a window."

"Oh," Ned sounded disappointed. He shouldered his backpack and closed the locker. "Anyway, you've got to tell me everything now - "

Which turned out to be a lot harder than usual.

Everywhere they went, everyone they passed, Peter sensed gazes wandering to him and following until he went out of sight. Walls had ears, it felt like. A couple time he dug his elbow in Ned's ribs at the last second to avoid his personal expose.

"So, Mr. Stark is mad at you?" frowned his friend, sliding into a seat in the Chemistry classroom.

"No - no, not really. He just… he's just worried. I think. I mean, he was a little mad when he saw the headline," he sighed, leaning back in his chair. The class would start in a minute. "Told me to lay low, and… yeah."

"Technically, he told you to be yourself and that was the most you thing you've ever done, so you didn't really disobey him… right?"

Peter stared at his friend for a second. Then reached for his pocket, fumbling to squeeze a text in the last minute before the bell.

"Thanks, man. I'm gonna tell him just that."

 

 

**Iron Parker or Peter Stark? - Iron Man's mystery kid defends Stark in an Instagram controversy**

_By Nyss Stellah_

2016, May 21

 

Peter Parker (@peterparkour on Twitter and @queenspbp on Instagram) has been a hot topic the past couple days. On Wednesday, May 18, Ben Crew (@starcrewben on Twitter) started the controversy with a thread in which he debated on who Parker is, what role he plays in Tony Stark's life (@yoursonlyironman on Twitter), and why people should pay attention to it. The thread went viral. Since then, people have been paying plenty attention to both Stark and Parker, who remained silent on the matter.

A lot of evidence for, as Crew had called it, 'smelly business' emerged. Official documents that argue legitimacy of Parker's supposed internship, statements from Midtown High's (Parker's school) students and the teaching staff, and videos and photos of Stark and Parker caught in public (including Stark buying Legos and both of them getting ice cream), all of which make people doubt the business background of their relationship.

The most recent development was Parker involving himself in an argument in the comment section under his photo on Instagram.

What seemed like an innocent comment, sparked a fiery debate. " _What a precious cinnamon roll like him does around someone like Stark fr,"_ wrote an Instagram user @melly.nell.

Check out Parker's response and further discourse below:

 

 **melly.nell** what a precious cinnamon roll does around someone like stark fr

 **queens.pbp** enjoying presence of the best person in the world (:

 **melly.nell** omfg. ur cute but this is bs. imagine thinking stark deserves to be mentioned anywhere near best ppl in the world

 **queens.pbp** imagine thinking someone whod die for u without a sec hesitation DOESN’T deserve that

 **queens.pbp** hes a better person than u could ever be and that’s the tea

 **LeadNed**  mic drop

 **Jelly-o** uhhh he's a avenger but consider military, police, firefighters and all the ppl who risk their lives also daily

 **queens.pbp** sure, respect to them all, but last I checked it was military that tried to blow new york up instead of dealing with the threat and we'd all be dead if not for mr stark so (((:

 **Undergroundboycott78** MIC DROP

 **surfaJazz** *an Avenger

 **ironmansexual** thank!! u!! funny the only ppl who hate on tony are those who never met him and never came even close to the sorta danger he puts himself in

 **TonyBear** can i point out that military, police etc get paid for it & military retires extra early but he's been doing it 10 yrs for free PLUS he pays for everything

 **Ultra-betty** lmao hes billionaire

 **queens.pbp** doesn't mean he owes u shit. also show me another MILLIONAIRE who gives away so much money

 **queens.pbp** do u know how much costs ONE (1) iron man suit?? and repairs?? and how many he has?? the avengers compound?? maria stark foundation? damage control? and that's just iron man but he donates so much to charities and funds projects and does stuff for our generation THAT YOU'RE A PART OF and he doesn't have to, it's his personal money and he earned it all his life im so angry right now

 **MJ.hates.patriarchy** obv

 **melly.nell** wow he's such a great person for doing the bare minimum

 **Ultra-betty** I'd donate more if I had that much money

 **LeadNed** oh no

 **MJ.hates.patriarchy** now you did it

 **KellyWinsell99** I feel like shit's about to go down….

 **queens.pbp** BARE MINIMUM? HOW'S ALMOST DYING ON DAILY BASIS A BARE MINIMUM

 **queens.pbp** I had to actually put down the phone bc I cant deal

 **queens.pbp** ok so. the "bare minimum" is actually ON TOP of being a superhero. you have NO IDEA how many times he came THIS close to dying for yall ungrateful motherfluffers

 **queens.pbp** also how many hours do you work? I cant even tell how many mr stark does but whatever hour you call him, he's awake. always. no joke. it feels like he doesn’t sleep and doesn’t leave the lab

 **queens.pbp** despite being one of the busiest people in the world -that's a fact- I never saw him say no to someone who needed help he always makes time for others even if he gets even less sleep and he remembers all the details you forgot you've told him and makes sure you're comfortable and respects your wishes and personal space and never EVER judges

 **queens.pbp** like I told him so many embarrassing things but he doesn't make a deal out of it he just makes you feel that it's okay and you're okay stop pretending you know shit about him

          [Show 19972 more replies]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first three comments under peter's selfie are real comments under tom holland's selfie on IG. i'm just that creative (or resourceful?)
> 
> sooo, the formatting is all over the place, i hope it's not confusing lmao. it's gonna slow down next chapter (i think) and we'll get more iron dad (tony's POV is long overdue, am i right?). 
> 
> also, it's totally late but - ffh trailer?? i'm?? shook???? secret identity who???
> 
> unpopular opinion: i don't hate happy/may. in the comics happy got married to pepper and tony was a love-sick lonely fuck all his life, so good for happy, he didn't get his canonical girl, let him be a happy happy with someone else! and really, i'm so sick of the "lonely until death trope". people have the capacity to love many people in a lifetime, moving on from someone's death doesn't mean you stop loving them, you're just loving yourself enough to care about your own happiness too, and if someone would rather you died lonely instead of moving on and finding someone else to make you happy?? fuck them?? they didn't deserve you in the first place???
> 
> i mean, you can be totally happy on your own, but i don't see anything wrong with may dating someone. especially with happy being already an estabilished character, it's out of blue, but he's not out of blue, if you know what i mean?? i love absolutely love that mcu may isn't the comic book may, bc - bless lovely worried granny may but - mcu may is just as caring, lovely and everything that may was supposed to be for peter, but she has a personality, she's a character in her own rights, not just a part peter's tragic background story, and she has her own life outside of peter. it's healthy, it makes her more badass, it makes her more like a person and less like an empty trope to cry over/motivate the male protagonist.
> 
> i'm very emotional about mcu may, if you can't tell.
> 
> if you're still reading this way-too-long rant, thank you!! bless you, have a fantastic day and i hope something good happens to you soon!! <3 lots of love from me


	4. the last rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit of hell @bringbackavengers2k18
> 
> is tony stark okay
> 
> [Replying to @bringbackavengers2k18]
> 
> S e n i o r C i t i z e n @ElderlyRebeliant95
> 
> wdym
> 
> Pit of hell @bringbackavengers2k18
> 
> he's been acting weird lately
> 
> Soda @xxMELxx
> 
> IDK I think media is blowing it up for no reason
> 
> Jeremy JJ @jeremyjj__
> 
> Wellll the walmart thing was rly weird
> 
> Soda @xxMELxx
> 
> ok it was but it's too No Context for us I think. like it'd make sense if we knew the whole story. I think
> 
> Floofy @fakemustacherealmustang
> 
> A lost bet?
> 
> Soda @xxMELxx
> 
> I mean, back when avengers were a thing, they did,,, weird,,, y o u k n o w
> 
> Floofy @fakemustacherealmustang
> 
> Oh, u mean [link: Hawkeye assaults Iron Man in public and spills a bucket of noodles on him]
> 
> Soda @xxMELxx
> 
> Yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i'm alive
> 
> so, i feel like i own a little bit of explaination bc honestly - i had this chapter written like a week or 2 after the last update. i just had some editing left.
> 
> i've had some personal issues tho, and then i binge-watched brooklyn nine nine so i fell into THAT rabbit hole for a while, and then,,,, endgame. no spoilers but i watched it April 24th and today... May 12th... is the first day i feel mentally stable enough to go back to writing irondad. for obvious reasons, i'll be ignoring endgame lol. but it gave me a new perspective on the depth of tony and peter's relationship, bc truth be told, i thought we were blowing it out of proportion. i'm glad to have been wrong!
> 
> anyway, it's the last time i'm going back to what's already happened in previous chapters, but i needed to get tony's POV out of my system. plus the twitter discourse ;)))
> 
> enjoy!

4.

 

DAY 2

 

 **Sonya** @soydestructor

can we talk abt this kid getting ice cream with tony?? i would;ve?? combusted??

[attached: blurry photos of Tony and Peter in front of a car with ice cream cones]

[Replying to @soydestructor]

 **Magnificenta** @ironstan

He was blessed by the gods

 **Cucolo** @CucoloGuacamolo

,,,apparently,,, it's his intern,,,

 **Sammy** @arrestmeofficer

isnt that @peterparkour

 **Catty #stanBTS** @whostolemyjams

Wtfff who's that guy?

 **Mellow yellow** @arthoeTM

I think it's that intern he responded to

 **It's hit or miss** @iguesstheynevermiss

Wish my boss treated me like that lol

 

 

 **Tony's floffy hair** @killmewithrepulsors

Am I the only one getting dad vibes from this convo

[Replying to @killmewithrepulsors]

 **Jonhattan** @americanpatriot

Nice joke

 **What the banana** @melissa.jones

What convo

               **What the banana** @melissa.jones

               Nvm I saw it

 **J A S O N [19k] giveaway** @Jason_HG__

It's weird but not that weird

 **Flaxseed flex** @whoopfortony

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME

               **Tony's floffy hair** @killmewithrepulsors

               RIGHT

               **Iron man armor** @makesmyheartgoboom

               yES omg totally

               **Tony's sunglasses** @letmecryinavenger

               "ur grounded" COME ON YALL

               **Jess a Mess** @WaitingForAvengersComeback

               ok point

               **Local cape** @playingsanta89

               I think they were just joking

               [show more replies]

 **Snowflake** @wheresmymoneyyo

can ppl chill it's getting annoying

               **Iron hearts** @beatinglikeone1

               Tony stark comes on tt once in a blue moon and you're blessed if he even likes ur twt he never replies more than once this is BIG dude

               **Coloss** @xxxfryexxx

               Lol

               **Fck society** @sad.poem.thoughts

               Ironhearts are psychos

               **Breathe fire** @exhaleplasma

               U can fuck right off (((-;

 

 **BuzzFeed** @buzzfeed

Who is Tony Stark's intern?

[link: Tony Stark reveals he has an intern]

               **Starlight Lily** @starlightxxx

               No one cares

               **Queen Ari** @NoMoreSilence

               Our government is in literal shambles but go off I guess

               **Jim Jim** @jimmy.cardac

               In other news here's a photo of my dog after I put him to sleep with belly rubs

               [attached: photo of a sleeping dog]

                              **Hellboy** @send_trump_home

                              The only piece of news that matters

                              **Alice** @nowonderlandforyou

                              Valid info

                              **Am naida** @NoNuggetsHomie

                              That's the content I came here for

                              **Lemon pulp** @joe_ribbon

                              Subscribed

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

DAY 20

 

 **Benny Boy** @starcrewben

tony stark having an "intern" actually IS a big deal and here's why [a thread]

               [...]

               **Tony Stark needs better PR 2k18** @plsnoaliens

               Oh… my… godd

               **hammer me thor** @timothy_hammer

               I thought it was another media scam omfg

               **90's bitch** @StanAQueenStanCharlie

               It's his kid I'm telling yall.

                              **Jasoooon** @grrr_almighty

                              called it

                              [tweet link: "this kid is probably his tho. he's 15 according to his tt bio sooo… remember tony stark before iron man?"]

                              **90's bitch** @StanAQueenStanCharlie

                              Damn.

                              **90's bitch** @StanAQueenStanCharlie

                              Still true.

               **Laura B. Walters** @LauraWalters79

               Where'd u even find these

               **omw to despair** @momentsunplugged

               @fbi hire him

                              **Benny Boy** @starcrewben

                              lmaoooo

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

DAY 21

 

Sprite was this unexpected drink that helped on the upset stomach, wasn't it?

Or was it Fanta?

Something fizzy. Unhealthy as fuck.

Why would a soda drink help? Wouldn't the fizz upset the stomach more? Was it one of those widely-spread myths that no one questioned even though it made no goddamn sense?

A quick google search later had Tony bite back an enormous sigh, his arms full with snacks and now also bottles of Sprite. No, he didn't take a cart. Why, you may ask? Tony is such a genius, after all. He should've figured he'd need one.

Except, being a genius turned out to pay so well, he almost never had the need to go shopping. Ergo, he didn't have the habit of getting a cart. Which led him to struggling to hold the mountain of food in the soda drinks section of the nearest Walmart.

Cursing and chanting in his mind like a mantra "please no cameras, please no cameras, please no cameras", he started making his way ~~(to commit mass murder)~~ towards the registers.

Then an aisle caught his attention.

He backtracked two steps and eyed the rubbish bins. He quickly grabbed one (with difficulty, a couple swear words, and alright - there was nothing quick about it), promptly throwing everything from his arms inside. Not waiting to have a picture taken (there surely were more than enough embarrassing Snaps and Instagram Stories by then), he speed-walked, back on the path to pay.

…only to retreat again.

Legos.

The same Legos Peter seemed to be obsessed with.

Right?

No, certainly. He knew that. The kid could talk for hours about it, once he realized Tony wouldn't give him shit for it.

Speaking about the kid (as if the whole trip wasn't about the kid), he must be pretty bored, right? Trying to keep quiet and not bother Tony, knowing him. He could use some… thing… fun…? Right?

The coolest-looking Star Wars Lego set landed under Tony's freshly-freed arm.

After that, he finally made it to the bemused cashier. On the way, he had grabbed tissues without slowing down his pace. If he was buying a trash can for Peter, he might as well get something to fill it with. Not that Peter didn't need some tissues; Tony could imagine the amount of snotty paper that must've surrounded the kid in the time he was left on his own… and actually, Tony didn't really want to have this sort of picture in his head.

"I got those, too, recently," spoke up an elderly lady stood behind Tony in the queue, and it took him a couple seconds too long to realize she was chatting him up. At his disinterested hum, she pointed at the Lego set. "For my granddaughter. She loves it!"

"That's… very nice," said Tony, screaming inwardly.

"That's a gift?" The lady seemed immune to non-verbal cues signifying lack of interest.

"Yup. Bored kid with a cold. Toy emergency."

No, Tony, _don't engage with the threat -_

"Aw, how nice!" Well, shit. "My son hates buying his daughters toys. He's a _minimalist_ ," she packed more disgust into this one innocent word than Tony had ever managed to.

"Wow," he muttered.

"He does buy some toys, of course. He's not a monster. But he forbade us - the rest of the family - from buying anything for the girls unless we consult him about it. And he usually says no! Can you imagine?" she lady scoffed loudly. "I bring the biggest toy sets I find in the store every time I visit."

Tony's lip twitched in amusement.

The person in front of him was paying for their beer 6-pack and three bags of chips. He bit back a sigh of relief.

" - for my other grandchild. But that would be ridiculous," the lady kept on chatting about her grandkids, which, alright, might've been a tiny bit sweet. "Do you have children?"

Tony pushed forward with his (nearly there!) purchases. The cashier was already staring at him, light distrust in his eyes, as if he expected Tony to be an imposter or to start demanding special treatment any second.

"Uh," he busied himself with pulling out a wallet when the lady kept her eyes glued to him expectedly. "I have work."

And wasn't that true in more ways than one.

"Oh!" she scoffed again. "That's not an excuse! One day you won't have work. You'll retire and all you'll have left will be your kids. Trust me when I say it as someone much older."

And she actually patted his shoulder, ignoring his surprised flinch.

"Is that all, s-sir?"

"Jesus," Tony mumbled, swiping his debt card to pay. He quickly grabbed everything, debating until last second how rude would it be to walk away without a word. "Thanks, Mrs. Elder Experience," he said at least, not making eye contact, and turning to the cashier instead. He laid a couple hundred bills. "Pay forward."

Almost running, he exited this hell-store, half-hearted protests following him until the door shut closed behind him.

 

 

**"Tony Stark buys Lego and pays for people in the queue in Walmart"**

_By Annette Silversoar_

 

 **e a t  y o u r  s p i n e** @dontatmehoe

Is he having a mid-life crisis

 **jelly legs for thunder thighs** @leighneee

I can hear SI stocks dropping all the way over from Europe.

 **I miss Steve** @evildounatthoughts

i… cant tell if its real or….

 **K A T** @give_me_rest___

This ain't it chief

               [Replying to @give_me_rest___]

               **Tony Stark Defence Squad** @StanIronMan2kever

               ??? he paid for people's groceries?? wdym???

               **K A T** @give_me_rest___

               PR

               **Leave me be** @sparklingglass

               *eye roll*

               **Tony Stark Defence Squad** @StanIronMan2kever

               ….or he was just nice? He's a billionaire, it's not like it's much to him lol

               **Tom** @hello_vancouver_xx

               lol maybe he just left that cash and the cashier was nice enough to share it

               **Tony Stark Defence Squad** @StanIronMan2kever

               …oR HE WAS JUST NICE??

               **Iron Husbands** @fangirlsownthehell

               why is it so hard for ppl to get lmao

               **K A T** @give_me_rest___

               Bc he's an asshole? Being nice is ooc for him?

               **Tony Stark Defence Squad** @StanIronMan2kever

               Oh! So you're THIS kind of person! Sorry. My bad. I didn't want to immediately assume you're an asshole but here we are.

               **e a t  y o u r  s p i n e** @dontatmehoe

               Lmao

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

DAY 22

 

 **Pit of hell** @bringbackavengers2k18

is tony stark okay

               [Replying to @bringbackavengers2k18]

               **S e n i o r  C i t i z e n** @ElderlyRebeliant95

               wdym

               **Pit of hell** @bringbackavengers2k18

               he's been acting weird lately

               **Floofy** @fakemustacherealmustang

               Yeh

               **Soda** @xxMELxx

               IDK I think media is blowing it up for no reason

               **Jeremy JJ** @jeremyjj__

               Wellll the walmart thing was rly weird

               **Soda** @xxMELxx

               ok it was but it's too No Context for us I think. like it'd make sense if we knew the whole story. I think

               **Floofy** @fakemustacherealmustang

               A lost bet?

               **Soda** @xxMELxx

               for example

               **Soda** @xxMELxx

               I mean, back when avengers were a thing, they did,,, weird,,, y o u  k n o w

               **Floofy** @fakemustacherealmustang

               Oh, u mean [link: Hawkeye assaults Iron Man in public and spills a bucket of noodles on him]

               **Soda** @xxMELxx

               Yeah

               **Drew but no mountain** @nomountaindrew

               yupp ^^^

               **Pit of hell** @bringbackavengers2k18

               except…… there's no avengers…… iron patriot was in colorado [link: Iron Patriot Sightings]

               **Witch of Salem** @witchydreams00

               and still doesn’t explain peter parker

               **Melanie** @broke_bitch_bishh

               Yeah that came out of nowhere.

               **Iron man patriot** @thatswhathesaid

               guys,,,,, we were blind,,,,, legos,,,, walmart,,,, kid randomly appearing in his life,,,,,

               **Pit of hell** @bringbackavengers2k18

               oH MY GOD are u saying what I think ur saying

               **HUGH** @hugh.burton

               I mean….

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

DAY 23

 

 **best of tony stark** @theironavenger

Peter going off on ig IM DECEASED [attached: screenshots of the Instagram comments]

[Replying to @theironavenger]

 **A** @bi-ron-man

We stan the right men.

 **Nini** @incorrecttonystark

Sis,,, he snAPPED

 **Suri** @mushisuri

you can tell he's rly emotional abt it and it hurts me but also makes me happy he said it bc ppl been sleeping on tony for ages im soft don't touch me

 **Cooper** @sextapetitle

He served solid arguments tho

 **Cock destroyer** @ironmansexual

This is so precious?? I want to ship them but like,,, platonically?? Idk if that makes sense

               [Replying to @ironmansexual]

               **Maddie** @starktowr

               #ironparker

               **E r I c** @hypestark

               YES oh my gods

               **Cock destroyer** @ironmansexual

               First real life platonic ship in history #ironparker

 

 **Bree** @ironmanxcaptainamerica

#ironparker is trending no 1 worldwide that's our power ironhearts

 **Daliah Verners** @daliahlovestony

I don’t wanna burst ur bubble but a lot of ppl in the # really ship them

 **The Goatie** @theholyhair

wHAT

 **Avengers aesthetics | vote** @AvengersAesthetics

[attached: "breaking news: I've had enough" meme]

 **Luise** @ironkid99

sthap

 **Space is gay** @gayspaceprincess

Chill I report every lil bitch I find

               [Replying to @gayspaceprincess]

               **.** @JoyTooTimes

               sdbakjfakjfg

               **Arc reactor** @_agressivelove

               local hero we all need

                             

 **lord tony of the house stark** @tonystarkstan

There are 5 kinds of people tweeting #ironparker:

  1. ironhearts having a heartgasm bc tony's the purest
  2. ppl having ironman awakening
  3. ppl confused abt tony stark
  4. good ol' antis
  5. gross fucks who deserve to be nuked into a black hole for shipping a kid with an adult



[Replying to @tonystarkstan]

 **Flawless || stan loona** @dreamsaremadeofthis

preach sis preach

 **Finn** @howmanyirons

I'm both 1 and 3

               [Replying to @howmanyirons]

               **Lovely death** @genZprotec

               I think 'confused' applies to everyone right now

 **Mush Plush** @zayn.kenedic

Antis so miserable they have an issue with paying forward and talking to teenagers. What a sad life.

 

 

_He's a better person than you could ever be._

It had been three hours since shit hit the fan, yet instead of cleaning this mess, Tony stayed sat in his lab, staring at the holoscreen projected in front of him.

_Stop pretending you know shit about him._

His ass felt like it was about to fall off, completely numb from too many hours on the stool. Light rumbling in his stomach reminded him once in a while, it'd be nice to get lunch (Dinner? Lunner? _Dinch?_ He had a feeling the kid would love those last two).

Despite that, he remained with his eyes glued to the comment section under a selfie on Peter's Instagram.

_God._

He couldn't do this.

That right in his face was the reason he didn't want to get involved. _Expectations._

The kid thought the world of him. How could he, he kept wondering, after the radio silence and constant brushing off after Germany? Then, he remembered a lot had happened since that and Peter was too kind to hold a grudge. Still, on the spectrum of "I don't hate you" to "the best person in the world", there was plenty of places he could fall in. And the kid still placed him at the top.

The urge to run before he messed up itched.

Logically, he knew he'd just disappoint Peter - to put it _lightly_ \- if he tried distancing himself. Less logically, but just as sure of it, he knew he'd end up disappointing Peter either way.

The sound of the door sliding open didn't tear his gaze away from Peter's rant, but the voice did:

"Hey, Mr. Stark," said the devil himself.

"Call and he shall appear," muttered Tony, closing a couple tabs. "Hey, kid. How's fame?"

"Tragic. We're trending on Twitter and Tumblr, have you seen?"

"Ah, no, I got stuck on Instagram."

"Check it out," Peter slid into his personal space so casually it still sort of blew Tony's mind. They were barely on speaking terms a couple weeks ago. Now the kid had dropped any stuttering, anxious fidgeting or wary approaching, instead comfortably goofing off and steadily becoming… clinger.

To (unknowingly) confirm that thesis, Peter leaned his cheek on Tony's shoulder as he stretched out an arm holding his phone for both of them to see.

 

 **Haley** @crymeariversteve

@peterparkour seemed kinda familiar to me and it was bothering me and then I realized... #ironparker

[attached: family photos at a restaurant of what seemed to be a birthday celebration. In the distance, Peter in a booth, talking to someone who's back was to the camera]

[Replying to @crymeariversteve]

 **Smash** @hulksmashironman

he was with tony, I can recognize the back of his head

 **gay screaming** @susan_JJ

….that's not weird at all….

 **Smash** @hulksmashironman

I can recognize him by his pinky, I promise u

 **Pop'n'lock** @uwusonyaa

oKAY [attached: reaction gif with Jake from Brooklyn Nine Nine "cool cool cool"]

 

 **weirdo scam** @ironheartpride

Whoever thinks #ironparker isn't the most heartwarming thing to happen this year, don't ever talk to me or my pets.

 

 **i saw tony stark** @kamalakhan

I had to dig up that photo but!! I knew it!! I!! Saw them!! Ohmygod!!!! #ironparker

[attached: a selfie of two teenagers on the street and a zoom in on Peter walking next to Tony in the background]

 

 **Beautiful mess** @stanironparker

2018 is officially saved by iron man and his intern being the cutest duo #ironparker

[Replying to @stanironparker]

 **Badassium** @badasstonystark

word

 

 **Jake || new vid up** @JakeHolland09

Hey remember when I posted this #ironparker

[attached: very zoomed in Insta story of Tony in a car, a person that vaguely looks like Peter in the shotgun seat, captioned "I JUST SAW IRON MAN BUY MUFFINS"]

 

 **peter parker a cinnamon roll** @lovelymxchael

Compilation of the best accidental sightings of #ironparker [a thread]

 

 **Incorrect Iron Man** @incorrectironman

Iron Man: *saves the world*

Everyone: he's ok I guess

Iron Man: *acts like a normal person outside of armor*

Everyone: OMG so CUTE!!! He's such a CINNAMON ROLL!! Oml I love #ironparker!!! StAn toNy StaRk

 

 **Stan for life || #ironparker** @WeLoveBread__

ok but he's smile when he's talking to parker it's so soft kill me guys

[attached: zoomed in pictures of the photos with Tony and Peter eating ice cream]

[Replying to @WeLoveBread__]

 **Poetic cinema** @neverendingride

*his

               [Replying to @neverendingride]

               **Micheal Jules** @mickyJuly

               grammar nazis have entered the chatroom

               **Arianna 2k18** @savethequeenarianna

               everyone else has left the chatroom

               **op** @aliens_again_

               asdkjgs

              

 **Shooketh** @tonygotosleep

#ironparker has been trending for hours, we going for a guinness record or what

[Replying to @tonygotosleep]

 **Put me in the dirt** @letmedreamwiththestars

Go big or go home.

 **jenny 19k** @eternalxmold

Key smash

              

 **fruit salad** @in.front.of.my.salad

not to brag but we been saying tony's Like That for years, yall just slept on him #ironparker #ironhearts

 

 **bitch me** @IronMelon97

I was jealous of everyone posting pics of #ironparker somewhere in the background and then my loyal bitch @shamakutra pointed this out for me. Thx babe ur the real one

[attached: 30-second-long screen capture of a past livestream. The woman holding the phone is walking, ranting about New York subway and how she was having the worst day in her life. As she passed a street crossing, among the cars stopped by the red light was a black Audi with tinted glass, and inside, Tony - barely visible - with his arm resting on the back of Peter's seat. They only flashed in the background for a couple seconds, the man hoovering and gesticulating wildly with his free hand over the teenager]

               [Replying to @IronMelon97]

               **kamasutra more like** @CanSmutThat

               these 4 seconds saved this day from being the worst 24 hours I have experienced my entire life

               **Ellie Goldberg** @bringmecrocks

               it looks like he's giving him the talk and peter's just like "dad pls stop and watch the traffic"

                              **bitch me** @IronMelon97

                              Why is this so accurate.

                              **faeries dream** @shamakutra

                              I had that happen to me. Can confirm.

                              **faeries dream** @shamakutra

                              Also @CanSmutThat rad name.

                              **kamasutra more like** @CanSmutThat

                              <3

                             

 **Shtick** @elmo_jjk89

Confirmed times and places of #ironparker sightings in case anyone wants to check their own photos [a thread]

               **#ironparker saved 2k18** @donttalktomydog

               i was on the same street at the same time as them but i wasn't taking any pictures god why did you curse me like that

               **IronParker Sightings** @official_ironparkersightings

               Bless u!

               **guaccamole** @peeltheAvocadoo

               Gotta check my photos from a week ago

 

 

"Damn," muttered Tony, feeling very much called out on his sudden paternal instincts, and by the whole goddamn internet, too. He swiftly turned to face the teenager, causing him to lean away and drop the arm that held the phone. "I don't even want to see Tumblr."

"You know what's on Tumblr?" Peter's eyes sparkled with curiosity.

"Kid," he gave him a patronizing eye. "I'm making the tech for all your funny apps. I don't need to partake in the internet culture to _know_ it."

For a beat, the kid just stared at him, his expression growing first in worry, then outright horrified.

"You… you don't - like, the… things on Tumblr…" he trailed off at Tony's raised eyebrow. "Oh God. Okay. I just had an aneurysm."

"I haven't found your blog, easy there."

"What blog?" he laughed nervously, his voice going an octave higher. "I don't- I don't have a blog. Definitely not a Tumblr blog. C'mon, Mr. Stark…"

"If I had any doubts before, I don't, now. And - wait, do you have an Avengers blog or something?"

" _No._ No, nope, nev-- why - why would I?" he crossed his arms defensively.

By then, they were facing each other, Tony staring down the teenager in a desperate attempt to squash the fondness bubbling up in his chest.

"Okay," he said at least. "Whatever. Have your privacy and reblog embarrassing shit to your heart's content. Back on track, I'm not checking out that site, and you shouldn't either, honestly, at least not that hashtag… Anyway! I would like to go back to the culprit of all this."

With a flick of his wrist, the Instagram page showed back up on the holoscreen.

Peter's eyes barely glanced over the tab and his whole posture deflated significantly. His gaze flickered between his Instagram and Tony, a pinched expression bleeding through forced casualness.

The man let him squirm for a few more moments, Tony comfortably still, Peter radiating anxiety - before he finally broke the silence.

"Laying low, are we?" he scrolled a bit further into the comments. A quiet whine of protest escaped Peter as the screen kept scrolling further into the argument.

"Look. Mr. Stark. I really didn't think that was that big of a deal - "

"I figured," interrupted Tony. "Except that caused exactly the thing we didn't want to cause."

"In my own defense, I was left unsupervised."

The man pointed a finger.

"Don't respond to me with memes when I'm scolding you."

"You really do know, don't you," Peter murmured, eyes round and slightly panicked.

"Yes. Yes, I do. But that," he turned his accusing finger to the holoscreen. "That dumpster of a disaster is actually a mother to this firetruck of cat shit."

Peter's anxiety momentarily melted into confusion at the made-up idiom, then returned full force when another tab opened up next to the dreadful comment section.

 

**"Iron Parker or Peter Stark? - Iron Man's mystery kid defends Stark in an Instagram controversy."**

 

"I hope you know that's a shitload of, well, shit - for you in the future."

"That's a future Peter's problem?" the teen opposed weakly.

"Yeah?" Tony glared. "We'll see how far is that future next time you go to school."

"It won't be that bad."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

DAY 24 (again)

 

"Tony, please, explain."

"I think I just did."

"No - "

"You lay down on the blanket, it reads the pressure, and wraps you like a burrito - "

" _No._ I got that, thank you."

"So, we’re clear!"

"We're not clear. Why…" Pepper rubbed her forehead, propping her elbow up on her forearm. "Why, God, why did you make a _burrito blanket_ , Tony?"

Tony, for all it was worth, seemed to be seriously contemplating the answer, his eyes on the burrito blanket. To showcase his invention, an Iron Man plush toy got wrapped up in the blanket; the print and texture - extremely realistic, may he point out - of a burrito.

"It won't slip off like a normal blanket," he turned to Pepper, at least.

She slowly shook her head, almost in disbelieve.

"I get that, I understand… it wraps, that's nice - but why does it _look_ like a burrito? Why does it _smell_ like a burrito? Were you hungry when you made this?" she was circling the blanket, and the toy inside, seemingly not understanding.

Tony knew her well enough to know she secretly found it hilarious, but didn't want to fuel his inner mad scientist.

If that could fall into that category.

"A little bit," he admitted, walking up behind her. "I got stuck on the StarkPhone, had to get the creative juices flowing."

"And, that - that was your creative outlet? That got your juices flowing?" and there it was, her incredulous façade cracking. He smiled at the hint of amusement in her voice.

"Oh, absolutely. By the way, I thought of this cooking app…"

Pepper's groan interrupted him, which was okay, he didn't really have an idea where he'd go with that piece of bullshit. She faced him, and he took another step before halting his trailing, standing almost nose-to-nose.

"Okay, Tony. In all seriousness - "

"Yes, of course."

"Are you planning on doing something with it? It's not… bad. If you change the, the design, and the smell… just leave the functionality, throw in some nicer prints, fruity smells - or no smells - and add a couple sizes, I think I'd be a great product."

"You're a born businesswoman, Ms. Potts."

She quirked her mouth.

"That I know, Mr. Stark."

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

They turned to the new voice.

"Well, kid, if you were, the best course of action would be to sneak out and comeback later."

Peter smiled awkwardly from the doorway, eyeing them unsurely.

"Hi, Ms. Potts," he gave a small wave.

"Hi, Peter. How was school?"

"Oh!" Pepper flinched at her fiancé shouting in her face. "I can tell you that!"

As Tony, suddenly hyped, jumped towards the holoscreen, Peter spasmed, still in the doorway. He let out a weak whine in protest, that trailed off to instead bite his fist, his gaze following Tony's every move.

Pepper was having a confusing day.

"I don't think that's - "

Whatever Peter thought didn't seem to matter at the moment. In the air appeared a video of what looked like security footage of a school cafeteria.

Before she had a chance to question it, the window in front of the camera slid open, and the moment a hand slid into view, the Pink Panther theme started playing in the background.

"Oh my God," she faintly heard Peter.

Tony, surprisingly, managed to keep a straight face.

The music fit, weirdly enough, and soon after the hand, entered a head, then a leg, then, at a longer saxophone note, Peter rolled ungracefully onto the floor, desperately holding onto his mobile phone.

"I didn't want my face to be visible, just in case!" said Peter defensively.

The Peter on the screen, stuck to the ground, glanced around quickly. His mouth was moving, his phone prepped up against his ear with a shoulder. After a second-long assessment, he began The Walk.

This time Tony couldn't contain his laugh.

In his usual spidery fashion, the teenager started crawling the way he always scaled the walls. Except... Horizontally it didn't look that great.

His ass was sticking out above his head level. He was wiggling funnily to the sides. And he still stubbornly held the phone.

It probably didn't help Tony was a literal child and added cartoonish sticky sound effects to each step.

And, okay, maybe Pepper snorted a little bit, too.

"Is that how I look?" said Peter, outraged.

"My biggest regret is, the Internet can't see that," sighed Tony.

"So, there is a God."

"Well, Tony, aren't you on a roll today," said Pepper, walking up to him. "Burrito blanket, that... Whatever it is."

"It looks like a Vine, honestly," chimed in Peter.

"Right," said Pepper. "Looks like you're aging backwards, honey."

"Well, aren't you lucky!"

She smiled at him pityingly. He smiled back, satisfied.

"I'd rather not take care of a baby when I'm old enough to be taken care of."

"I'm always gonna take care of you, sweetheart."

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Tony bore an amused stare into her.

"Umm, really... Do you need -- do you want me to...?" Peter pointed his thumb at the door. "I can - I don't want to - "

"Yeah, no," Tony stopped him with a gesture, but didn't move. "You're not getting out of work."

"I'm not getting - ! Wait, what work? We have work? I have work?"

Tony huffed, the teasing glint mostly gone, but still smiling. He often did that - smiling - around Peter, she started to notice.

"I'll send you the blanket specs pack to look over, 'kay?"

"No burrito - "

"Three textures, eight colors, five smell variants including no smell. You tell me what you want to see for prototypes."

Of course he had done it already.

"Sounds great. Thank you, Mr. Stark."

"You're welcome, Miss Potts."

A light cough reached them from the furthest desk as Peter, having turned off the video and moved there at some point, started browsing his homework assignments.

With an inaudible sigh, Tony kissed her temple and shared a look with her. Without another word, Pepper turned on her heel and walked away to the sound of arising bickering.

"Okay, so I know what you said about not checking on Tumblr… wait! I know - _I know._ But, look, let me show you… isn't that something you'd say? Come on. That sounds exactly like - "

 

 

 

"Parker!"

"Aw, come on," muttered Peter. "You'd figure - "

" _Parker_."

"Yes, Flash?" Peter bit back a sigh, turning with the most neutral expression he could force.

"Fix this," instead of… anything, really, that could be expected from Flash, the teen marched with an outstretched hand, an iPhone in his palm.

"Uhh, your phone?" Peter jerked back to avoid getting a mouthful of a smartphone.

"No, asshole. _Fix this._ "

At the weird unspecified urgency, Peter actually took the time to inspect the phone screen.

"Your… Twitter?" he raised an eyebrow unsurely. "I don't - "

"My account is _gone_ , Parker. _Gone_. I had two thousand followers and they're _all. Gone._ "

Smelling a little bit of crazy on Flash, Peter leaned back and discreetly tried to slide away.

"Um, I - I'm - I'm sorry? Maybe write to the support - "

"Stop playing dumb," Flash spat out and waved his phone again. "Iron Man told me to deactivate - "

"That was, like, _ages_ ago," protested Peter. "And he said you have twenty-four hours. If it was him, you'd get deleted the next day."

For some reason, Flash obviously disagreed with what seemed like a logical reasoning, but didn't have anything to argue with either. He looked like a balloon about to burst, his jaw set and brain clearly searching for an answer.

But his eyes were almost… regretful? Plenty of angry, but… like he was holding something back?

"Flash," his shoulders dropped, resigned. "Tell me you didn't tweet at me again."

Immediately, Flash crossed his arms.

"I wasn't even insulting you! It wasn't _offensive_ , I haven't done _anything_! Bring my account back, Parker! Tell him to bring it back!"

"Why - geez, why did you have to…" Peter rolled his eyes, considering just flipping his classmate off (as if he ever would) and walking away. "He probably forgot about your existence, you know, but you had to go and remind him."

"He forgot?" Flash honest to God frowned.

"Isn't that… good?" Peter mirrored his frown, to which Flash scoffed softly, puffing out his chest for a second before it deflated again.

"I mean… it's _Iron Man_ ," he almost whispered, his brows creased.

Peter stared at him. Really, it was a bit sad, if you thought about it.

"Well," he said at least. "You have the honor of getting deactivated by Iron Man himself," he patted his shoulder and passed him swiftly before Flash could gather his wits.

_"Parker!"_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

With a deep sigh, Tony pushed away a hologram of a News! article.

"This is getting out of hand."

 

**Proof that Iron Man is Iron Dad**

By Melinda Richards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it doesn't have much plot at this point, but i really needed it after the endgame and i feel like i'm not the only one. besides i haven't updated in literal months so a little reminder was probably fine??
> 
> now, thank you so much for all the comments! i cannot express how much it means to me and how happy reading them makes me. i try to respond to every one. i love you guys and i'm really really glad you're enjoying my writing.
> 
> thanks for reading, have a lovely day <3


	5. happy birthday Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mr. Stark's birthday is in less than a week and I have nothing," said Peter as he realized that fact.
> 
> Ned paused his munching to give him the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.
> 
> Peter reflected it back at him.
> 
> "Oh my God," said Ned at least, mouth full of chips he hadn't swallowed yet.
> 
> "Yeah."
> 
> "You're close enough to give him something and it won't look like a fan gift."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story takes place soon after sm:hc. I actually changed the dates in previous chapters from sep 2018 to may 2016, so it suits the story better!
> 
> i'm posting it right as i finished writing this chapter, so it's not perfect, probably. i haven't updated in ages tho, and i'm kind of hyped right now, so i'm just putting it out there. more news in the end note! <3

5.

 

"Mr. Stark's birthday is in less than a week and I have nothing," said Peter as he realized that fact.

Ned paused his munching to give him the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.

Peter reflected it back at him.

"Oh my God," said Ned at least, mouth full of chips he hadn't swallowed yet.

"Yeah."

"You're close enough to give him something and it won't look like a fan gift."

"A gift that I don't have, you mean."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah."

They stared at each other some more, unsure how to proceed with such information. Peter threw himself on his bed with a moan of despair.

"What do you even give a _billionaire?_ "

Some more munching sounds coming from the floor.

"Uh, like, a handmade gift?"

Pausing his dramatic show of hopelessness, Peter snapped his head up to throw an unimpressed glare at his friend.

"Ned, bud, I'm trying to make him treat me seriously. Giving him an Iron Man drawing like a preschool kid will not help that."

"Just throwing it out there," mumbled Ned, nibbling on chips. "My dad likes my handmade cards --"

"Mr. Stark is not my dad," Peter cut in sharply. He didn't get a response. "What am I gonna do?"

"Huh," was all his friend could offer.

Which, okay, not surprising.

What do you get for someone who has everything?

He suddenly shot up, almost banging his head on the bunk bed above.

"Huh."

"What?" Ned nudged his leg.

"I think I have an idea. And I'm gonna need your help with the coding."

 

 

 

So, this was his life now. Okay then.

Peter stared at the world whizzing by through the window, a little wistfully, reminiscing - once lonely - commuting and constant bumping into angry New Yorkers.

Two seats down, a flash went off.

He didn't have to unglue his eyes from the glass to notice the girl cringing in embarrassment at her attempt to discreetly take a photo. Peter battled his conscience for a second, considering everyone in the fricking subway saw that disastrous failure, and really, hasn't it happened to everyone at least once?

But then again, people had been… "discreetly" photographing him like a circus animal ever since he had left home that morning.

He slowly turned and made eye contact with the girl.

She froze, only her eyes widening in response. Her face was hot red and she had a spark of "I need the sweet release of death" in her eye. The other passengers observed the wordless exchange in anticipation.

Was it always this quiet at this hour on the subway?

Peter sighed and stood up, even though he had two more stops to go. It'd be less awkward a bit further away from there, he figured.

"Sorry," mumbled the girl as he got up. She couldn't look up from her sneakers, thoroughly mortified.

"No worries," muttered back Peter.

He still moved out of her vision.

Alright, alright. Mr. Stark was right, no biggie. The reception to Peter was a little bit… bigger than he had expected, even in the worst case scenario. And more constant than he had imagined. And maybe slightly more intimidating… and anxiety-inducing… even troublesome, at times. And sort of tiresome at seven in the morning.

Or maybe it was the stress talking. People were watching him at every turn and his Spider-Man suit started burning a hole in his back where he knew it'd be resting against.

Plus, the rumors at school, and the looks in class, and even the whispering between his teachers.

He wasn't used to any form of attention, especially not nation-wide. Yesterday he saw fanart with himself and he kind of stared at it blankly for full 30 minutes, uncomprehending.

Peter was not used to all this. Not even at all.

On accident, he kept catching people's eyes because he felt their gazes on him and every time - _every time_ \- he glanced in that direction instead of staring straight ahead like a sane person. It made his route to school way more awkward than necessary and by the time he reached the entrance, he felt like the day had been going on for hours and hours.

God, interacting with people could be so exhausting.

"I'm going crazy, dude," he told Ned after greeting him at the lockers. "Everywhere I turn, there's someone looking at me."

"Are you really surprised? Dude, you've been trending on Tumblr for days."

"Yeah, I know, Iron Man is a big deal and all… I just - I don't know. I didn't expect people to care _that_ much."

"He's the last popular Avenger left," shrugged Ned. "Iron Patriot is sorta military's mascot and Vision isn't nearly half as popular as him. Iron Man is like Captain-America-popular in rank, everyone's gonna care about everything he does."

"Awesome," muttered Peter, closing his locker.

"Hey, it can be fun!" When Peter didn't answer, Ned decreased his volume: "Maybe it's not for Spider-Man, but at least you're getting some recognition!"

"First - please, shut up about our friend when at school. Second, I don't _want_ any recognition."

His friend sighed _heavily_ , as if Peter was committing an even _heavier_ sin.

"Dude, you can use fame for good, too."

Weirdly, that got Peter thinking.

 

 

 

Let's not be coy - Peter had over 10 tumblr blogs. Three of them superhero related.

(One purely for fighting Iron Man antis on the Internet because Peter could be a petty bitch when he wanted to be.)

It was all too easy to click "Create a new blog" whenever there was a post that didn't fit any other existing blogs and it just begged to be reblogged. Or when a new thing sparked his interest and all he wanted to do, was to spam about it with hundreds and hundreds of posts. That's what side blogs were for, right?

Despite a wide variety of topics he had blogs for, and the enormous number of blogs he followed, lately, his dash was full of _himself_.

Screenshots from his Instagram (which he considered switching to private after the surge in followers, but decided the deed had been done), of his Twitter, and even paparazzi-style photos and pictures downloaded from his social media accounts kept popping up every couple minutes, full with comments and in-depth analysis underneath.

Each day more fanart was appearing. That in particular blew his mind, but people seemed to be in love with cute cartoons of him and Mr. Stark. Although most were wildly inaccurate in portrayal of their dynamic, he had to smile at some of them.

And, in true Tumblr fashion, the Twitter exchanges and Peter's Instagram argument ignited imaginations of the incorrect quotes creators. That was the only thing he could get behind, because from plenty of material from both Tony and Peter, people got the gist of how they talked, and managed to get their voices somehow right most of the time. He liked to send Tony those.

Now, Peter took it upon himself to analyze the influence of "Iron Dad" on the general public and Mr. Stark's PR.

Until Ned mentioned it, and then talked his ear off about it at lunch, Peter didn't give much thought to… the grand scheme of things, so to speak. He saw it as a surprising turn of events and a lot of inconveniences in his daily life, but his good old friend opened his eyes to a world of possibilities.

Instead of screaming into the void from an anonymous blog, he could subtly destroy all the Iron Man antis' arguments.

No one would even know he was aware of those arguments.

He could just fuck with Mr. Stark and turn him into a meme. People would love to see bits and pieces of Tony Stark's everyday life. It'd immediately go viral.

Hell, he could use the platform he was steadily gaining for highlighting all sorts of important to him issues.

After longer consideration, Peter decided popularity didn't have to be _all_ bad. If he had it already, he could make the most of it, at least.

All that had to wait, however, because Peter was a man on a mission.

He didn't know how long he had left, really. Mr. Stark most likely had a party or some plans on his birthday, but Peter frequented the Tower so often, he had no doubt that they'd see each other around that date. The question was - before or after?

As if summoned by the thought of him, Peter's phone screen lit up with a candid photo of half-exasperated, half-amused Tony in the workshop, the call accompanied by buzzing and vibrating.

"Hi, Mr. Stark!" he picked up cheerfully.

Ned shot him a panicked look from his bed where he'd been working on a code for Peter for solid hours (gosh, Parker, you really owe your friend, start working on _his_ birthday gift when you're done with that).

He startled as though afraid Tony would be able to tell what they were doing through a phone call.

"Hey, kid. I'm surprised you're not on patrol," oh, God, maybe he could do that. "You've been busy lately, huh?" he continued without letting the teenager answer. "With school, I hope?"

Something twitched in Peter at the parental tone.

He laughed awkwardly, trying to squish his embarrassing feelings deep, deep inside.

"I've been busy? I don't know, I haven't noticed. Time flies by. I'm at Ned's. Uh, anyway, what's up?"

That was not suspicious at all. Very smooth, Peter. Totally what we were aiming for, there.

Tony made a barely noticeable pause.

"Just making sure you're alive. Not clocking in any Spider-Man hours in almost a week isn't really your style, so I had doubts. Oh, and by the way, are you busy this Sunday? I have something you're going to nerd over. I'm not telling you what so you embarrass yourself more when you see it, but you're gonna love it."

"Hey! I don't - I'm not embarrassing!"

"Sure, squirt," a weird sleek and metallic sound in the background distracted Peter for a split second. "The baby monitor footage would beg to differ, but confidence is key."

"I'm not - I don't - I won't do anything embarrassing," he decided stubbornly.

"Mhm," hummed Tony, pretending to be convinced. But then: "Some think it’s a lovable trait, on the bright side. I keep you around for entertainment purposes, mainly - "

"So rude!" he gasped.

"Yeah, yeah. So, Sunday fun-day. You free?"

"Isn't it your birthday?"

Oh, no. Did Mr. Stark release a fake date of birth to the public to mess with people? It sounded like something he'd do. That would mess with Peter's plans terribly.

"Yeah, why?" the man answered after another slight pause.

"Um, it's - well, I thought - don't you have a birthday party or something?"

Tony huffed.

"I think party days are behind me," he drawled. "Maybe Pepper is planning something. I wouldn't know, she's sneaky about these things. But no major party, no. Sheesh, kid, I've got a surprise for all your nerdy dreams and you're gonna blow me off?"

"No! No, I - I'm free. I mean, I'll be there. Uh, what time? On Sunday," he made eye contact with Ned, who seemed to be hanging on his every word.

"Around noon…ish? It's Sunday, waking up before ten is a sin."

"Great advice from a great mind," he said sarcastically. "Noon-ish is great. Super dope. Works for me."

"Great. One confirmation was enough, but I feel really assured in your decision with three."

"Ha ha," he said flatly. "So, I guess I'll see you in two days?"

"Yes. That's when a Sunday is. Two days after a Friday."

"Hilarious," muttered Peter.

"I know I am," he could hear the smirk in Tony's voice. "Bye, kid."

He didn't get out a "bye" in time before the man hung up.

He looked his friend dead in the eye.

"Good news is I'm not coming over tomorrow," said Peter. "Bad news is he invited me on his birthday and I'm freaking the hell out."

"Dude," breathed out Ned, awed.

"We gotta make this _awesome_ , Ned."

With that, he threw himself into work.

 

 

 

Start the coffee machine, take out a pre-prepared nutritious and balanced breakfast, heat it up, grab the freshly brewed coffee and pour another one into a thermal mug for later. Just in time, turn off the heat and put the food on a plate. With the help of FRIDAY, run through checklists and tasks for the day out loud, in between bites and sips. By the time it's time to leave, be already through the door.

Pepper Potts' morning routine worked like a brand new clock, smooth and swift down to the second. And Tony found himself watching it way too many times, leaning heavily on one arm, one cheek squished against his palm.

"Maybe you should try to get some more sleep?" Suddenly, Pepper broke her perfect mechanism of efficiency, turning to Tony instead of answering their AI. Through her voice was breezy and composed, he always felt like her eyes breezed in similar fashion through all the layers Tony liked to hide behind, and strung in just the right way to pull at his emotions.

"I'm fine," he forced that same breeze, unsuccessfully, if her eyes were anything to go by.

"You barely got a couple hours today --"

"Yeah, that was more than enough."

He didn't mean for it to come out so bitter.

Completely and uncharacteristically, Pepper threw her perfect routine out the window and rounded the kitchen island to bodily face Tony.

"I understand that. But Peter will be around today, I'm sure you'll need a lot of energy to keep up with him," she couldn't resist a slight smirk.

"I'm starting to think it was a bad idea," he muttered.

"Tony," said Pepper, patient like a saint. He tilted his head up, reluctant to meet her empathetic gaze. "You're going to have a lot of fun showing Peter nanotech, and Peter will be over the moon to spend this day with you. I'm sorry I have work on Sunday --"

"C'mon, Pep. I dumped the company on you."

"-- but I think this is perfect for everyone. You'll both get your science time, and when I'm done, we'll have dinner, and it'll be wonderful."

"Very optimistic for someone engaged to me," joked Tony.

Pepper just shook her head and kissed his temple.

"Happy birthday, Tony."

And by some miracle - or just Pepper, because she was a goddamn miracle-worker - she managed to leave right on time, despite the disruption in her routine. Which Tony was both proud of and exasperated at, as he himself tended to just follow the flow into the chaos at the slightest jolt off the road.

Okay, he really needed to get it together.

His first birthday in years without an ear-splitting pandemonium of a superhero family to eat out his fridge, the storage room and a dozen bills from restaurants. Big deal. Peter will eat out the fridge by himself, but even if he wanted to reach for the storage room, he'd be polite about it. Unlike that bunch of assholes. You in particular, Barton.

This is fine, he told himself.

He doesn't miss them, he thought.

Quiet is good, he decided.

"Put on some music, FRI, and let me know when Peter's on his way."

 

 

 

So, at some point in his life (last Thursday), Peter made the grave mistake of making a promise he couldn't keep, not knowing the stakes.

"What… was that _sound_ …?" A wild grin started growing on Tony's face at the same pace as a blush bloomed on Peter's.

"I -- it - what's that _tech?_ " The kid stuttered to change the topic, but quickly got himself excited. "This is INSANE, Mr. Stark! This is - it's - I… That technology, I’m…" And in less than a blink of an eye, it fell back off, and Peter paused, thoughtful. "I have no words."

He had to sober up to state that, bless that weirdo.

"I love to tell you this, but I told you so."

Tony snapped his fingers and the nanotech followed through; the armor wandered from one arm to cover the other as Peter watched on, fascinated.

"Told me what?" The teenager could barely focus on anything but the wandering particles.

"That you'd embarrass yourself. FRIDAY, play that again?"

Suddenly all the armor disappeared in the reactor-shaped plate. Peter groaned as his inhumane squeal reverberated through the workshop, with Tony almost kneeling over in laughter.

"Why do you love torturing me like that?" The teenager dropped on a chair like a sack of potatoes and hid his head in both arms.

"Easy target."

Peter shot up.

"So, you admit to bullying me!" He pointed the blaming finger, which Tony simply slapped away. "That's what all the bullies say!"

"What's the joy in having kids around if you can't gently bully them."

"I'm not a kid," Peter scrunched his nose. "You're just really old."

"Watch it, boo."

Not particularly threatened, Peter tapped the armor plate on Tony's chest. Nothing happened, which resulted in Tony shooting him a look as the kid stared for a second longer to see if something would happen.

"So, how does it work?"

True to Pepper's words, Peter was over the moon.

They spent a good couple hours playing with the nanotech, Tony mostly following Peter's increasingly more ridiculous requests. When the Iron Man armor took on a shape of an Iron Cat, the man decided to call it quits.

"We've tarnished my name enough for today," he'd said.

The kid, bummed out for maybe two seconds, started spitting out freestyle ideas of what they could use nanotech for, with no filter whatsoever.

"Nano-pets for people with allergies!" He gasped, as if shocked with his own brilliance.

"That would end up being nano-pets for elitist idiots who can actually _afford_ nanotech and don't like poop machines smearing fur all over their apartments."

"So… you?"

Tony, as prior-proclaimed The Responsible Adult, threw a dried-out paper coffee cup at Peter.

"Oh, hey - um… it's your birthday!" The teenager blurted out with no warning.

"Yes…" Tony raised an eyebrow, withholding the uncomfortable punchy-feeling in his gut from showing on his face. "It usually serves as a conversation starter, so we can all merrily wish happy birthdays and go on with our lives."

"Well, yes, I-I guess," Peter scratched his ear, dropping his gaze to the workshop tabletop. "But I got distracted with the nanotech, and you were finishing up work when I came, so I just thought, I'll wait until you're not too busy --"

"Okay, it's fine, kid," he sighed to cover up a smile threatening to break through. "I have a very happy birthday and fifty-four more years to live."

"What?" His eyes snapped up to Tony's, glazed over for a second, and cleared up just as quickly. "Ooh, the 'live for a hundred' -- I never understood those wishes. If someone's ninety-nine, wishing them to live for a hundred years is so _rude_."

"I think they wish two hundred then," his lips twitched in amusement.

"Makes sense," Peter nodded seriously. "But I've got something for you!"

He jumped off the stool - way further than a normal human being would - and sprinted to his backpack, barely slowing in time.

Meanwhile Tony's insides decided to throw a disco party in his chest and stomach, twirling like a Dancing Queen and dipping almost to the floor.

Was he nervous?

Why would he be nervous?

The kid didn't have to get him anything - maybe he felt obliged because Tony invited him over on his birthday? For a genius, he could be a dumbass. Probably that was the reason Peter sounded so weird over the phone; he's a polite kid, he wouldn't come over on someone's _birthday_ without a _birthday gift._

Jesus, Tony, use your brains.

"You didn't have to get me anything, Pete," he finally forced out. "That's not why -- I don't really celebrate birthdays much anyway."

" _What?_ " He almost shouted into his backpack, head halfway inside and back arched to not let the man see what he was doing. "But -- You always -- Isn't it kinda your thing? Like, I know - it's not _anymore_ \- but you always had those big great parties - even as Iron Man!"

Rambling, he managed to pull out carefully (though not very aesthetically) wrapped gift, without tearing the paper. Which, with the size of the gift, and the size of the backpack, was quite a feat.

"These days are definitely behind me," Tony attempted to tone down sharpness as much as possible, but Peter still paused, glancing up at him curiously.

"Okay," he said simply before the man could continue. He stood up, and suddenly unsure, he shuffled over, nervously rocking the gift in his arms. "Um, it's… I thought… here."

He just thrust the package towards Tony, letting it speak for itself.

Tony, preparing to keep judgement off his face, took it and unwrapped… a miniature Iron Man.

"Okay, I did not expect that," he said.

Peter swayed from side to side, hands clasped behind his back. His smile way halfway between genuine and petrified.

The gift appeared to be an Iron Man bot, made actually from iron painted red and golden, with a plush arc reactor smack in the middle of the chest. Not very accurate in terms of biology, but a pretty nice sentiment.

"Um, you can -- I mean, you should -- uh, it... The- the arc -- the plush -- it's… press-able," Peter trailed off, looking less and less sure of what he was saying with each word.

Through enormous effort, Tony kept a poker face.

"The plush is press-able," he repeated.

Peter started to look constipated.

"…Yes."

They stared at each other for a good ten seconds.

He pressed the plush.

The arc reactor lighted up through the plush and the mechanism whirred in a familiar sound that told Tony a computer was inside.

" _Tony Stark could step on my face and I'd thank him."_

By Peter's expression, Tony could tell he did not expect to hear that either.

The silence stretched, dense as a black hole.

Finally, Peter looked up from the bot, face blushing and eyes wide, and Tony couldn't hold it anymore.

"What - " he choked out before a laugh took over and he almost dropped his gift.

"It's not -- it - I - _look_. Mr. Stark - I didn't -- it's not supposed -- well, it is, but I didn't - I didn't think it through. _Oh my God,_ " the kid gave up explaining and hid his face in his hands with a groan.

At his distress, Tony took a couple deep breaths and tried to contain the giggles still bubbling up in his throat.

"Okay - it's -- Just tell me, what was it supposed to say and how did it go so wrong?"

"The worst part," started Peter, muffled by his palms, "is that it works correctly."

Tony snickered again, albeit more quietly.

"Please, explain," he grinned.

The teenager sighed heavily, arms dropping to cross against his chest. He was pouting, too.

"It's an AI - a very, very simple one, like, nothing like FRIDAY or Karen or anything, you know --"

"An impressive AI for a high schooler, I'm sure."

Peter shrugged, neither agreeing nor arguing.

"It filters out positive things people write about you on the Internet, so every time you press the arc reactor you hear… a, a compliment, I guess."

Just like that, Tony's smirk softened with surprise.

"Oh," he said loudly, at a loss for what to say.

He blinked rapidly, staring at the bot in a new light.

"It's like… I just thought…" Peter uncrossed his arms to wriggle his hands, not looking up. "There's so many comments - nice comments - people say, but you probably don't see them and only bad stuff reaches you, and - I thought I'd be nice - and 'cause the reactor is like the armor's heart --"

"It's perfect, kid," Tony got out and immediately cleared his throat, which weirdly tightened up.

Peter's eyes shot up to meet his.

"Really?" He breathed out, relieved. "I wasn't sure it’s not… it could be, I dunno, cringy, or like, you'd think it's too…"

"It's great, Pete," he let himself smile, dropping his gaze again to the bot. "Thank you."

He pressed the plush reactor.

" _Breaking news: Tony Stark is actually soft and deserves all the love._ "

A wide smile broke out on Peter's satisfied face as Tony sniffed and cleared his throat, unsure how to respond.

Spontaneously, he dragged Peter close to him.

The kid, obviously caught off guard, sort of crashed into him, short-circuited for a moment, then wrapped his arms around Tony dazedly, as if disbelieving the man was voluntarily giving him a bear hug. Not a half side-hug. Not a pat on the back. Not orbiting in his personal space, closer than necessary but not yet affectionate.

Tony Stark was giving him an actual hug.

"Oh, this is nice," Peter mumbled when his brain caught with him. "Soo, we're there?"

Tony laughed, again, as he'd been doing every couple minutes for the past couple hours.

"Yeah, kid. We're there. Congratulations."

" _Awesome_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BREAKING NEWS if you think my writing is funny, i just made a YOUTUBE CHANNEL (woo!!), which has like 2 subscribers (hey, kc, ily) and i'd really really really appreciate any sort of support! i'm excited to make videos - comedy, if anyone is wondering, with a dash of social justice - but growing the channel will take a while, obviously.
> 
> my writing here is pretty much the same style as video scripts, i think, so please look up "all you need for a successful day" on youtube! my channel is "malina it is" but malina is such a common word in some languages that you're more likely to find me through the video. thank you!! i love u all!!
> 
> and as for the fic:
> 
> first - thank you for all your kind comments!! i try to respond to all of them, but i get caught up with daily things and you know how that goes. second - thank you for reading and RE-READING, God, it blows my mind some people actually re-read this thing, i love u people. third - looking back at the first chapter i'm lowkey cringing but, you know. growth is part of the process! so i'll just leave it the way it is, forever entertwined with my name, to haunt me for the rest of my life.
> 
> seriously tho, thank you all so much, i hope you enjoyed this 4k+ chapter, even if it took ages to post. have a wonderful weekend, everyone!! much love <3


	6. so, it's fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the real reason stark industries make kid toys now  
> just an intern
> 
> \---
> 
> so this is really it, guys. thank for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> canon? I don't know her. i just had to go with this idea, so some things are gonna be unexplainably inaccurate, so… just go with it. and it's set years ago so I'm using a lot of old memes but it's not accurate time-wise anyway, so please, let's just pretend

6.

 

 

**Shameful pie** @margaret.loves.puppies

Soo I was trying to take a discreet pic of peter on the subway and the flash went off. He looked me dead in the eye, stood up and walked away and I've never craved the sweet release of death more

**Anna** @itsAnnabitch

SIS

**Kenzo Dodd** @iron_fanboii

Oh,,, my gOD I'm CRYING

**Iron Dad is my jam** @ami_amii96

Oh no. I would've died of embarrassment

**Shameful pie** @margaret.loves.puppies

Thanks. I did!

 

**Birthday Boy Tony Stark** @ironhearts_official

A thread of the best tony stark moments from this year. Happy birthday, tony! #happybirthdayironman

 

**happy bd tony**  @anzalovestonyy

Happy birthday to the most wonderful human being on Earth #happybirthdayironman

 

**Avenger trash** @ariya_0045

A video edit for our favorite superhero! #happybirthdayironman @yoursonlyironman

 

**Elen 20-00** @easthetic.edits.20.00

I swear I care more about his birthday than my own #happybirthdayironman #happybirthdaytony

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

1\. Trending Worldwide

#happybirthdayironman

1M Tweets

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Stina** @stinaobrien97

Ok but where's @pepperpotts @ironpatriot and @peterparkour 's wishes for tony #happybirthdayironman

 

**Iron Man** @IronManOfficial

In birthday celebration of the most popular Avenger of 2015, Iron Man, we got an emoji to go along with your wholesome hashtag! #happybirthdayironman #ironhearts 

 

**Pepper Potts** @PepperPottsOfficial

Love all the wishes from Iron Hearts! I'm sure Tony appreciates them all. Happy Birthday, love.

 

**James Rhodes** @IronPatriot

Happy birthday, Tones! Your fans are positively crazy.

 

**Tony Stark** @yoursonlyironman

Thank you for all the wishes, they're all very much appreciated (@PepperPottsOfficial). Can't believe you've got nothing else to do with your time. Sheesh, get a life, guys #ThanksIronHearts .

**Charlene Baker** @drearycharlene

HE REALLY DRAGGED US OMGG

**happy birthday Tony** @AliNichols

I'M SCREAMING he didn't have to call us out like that

**Rose Knox** @roseknox88

Wow, ungrateful

**Jennie loves Tony** @cinnamonman

He's joking, chill out sis

**Birthday Man** @FlorenceKeyes

oml he really did that

 

* * *

 

 

 

2\. Trending Worldwide

#ThanksIronHearts

102.8K Tweets

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Hey, guys! Sorry I've been silent lately. It looks like you were expecting me to post something for Mr. Stark on his birthday, but I was actually with him the whole day, so that would be, like, weird, you know? Posting wishes on Twitter when I'm sitting right next to him. So, yeah. Sorry to disappoint!

But I thought, I'm staying over this weekend - we have this, uh, kinda project… doesn't matter, but I'm staying over - I'm actually in Mr. Stark's kitchen right now, just don't tell him I'm reheating leftover pizza for dinner or he'll throw a punch… wait, that came out weird. But yeah, he's actually a bit of a health freak! I never knew that. He doesn't look the type, does he?

Anywayyy, he had a lot of meetings today, so I have some time left before he's back. I thought, I can show you what I made for him for his birthday! You're gonna love it. I think. I hope so! If not, that's gonna be really awkward… uh, I hope I didn't break some privacy laws… or something. I don't know, I'm starting to overthink it, so I'll just show you!"

Grabbing the steamy pizza from the microwave (proceeding to almost drop it as it burned his hand), Peter put the plate on a tray and skipped towards the workshop, an arm stretched in front of him, holding his phone.

"I'll have to be real careful, though. Can't let anything confidential show… I hope Mr. Stark won't mind. I should've asked him. But it's too late now, and he'd be probably weird about showing you the birthday gift because it's, well… kind of, uh - Miss Potts said it was really sweet. And Colonel Rhodes 'aww'-ed. So, yeah.

Hey, uh, FRIDAY, can you hide… whatever Mr. Stark wouldn't want people to see?"

" _Of course, Mr. Parker. Keep in the selected area, if you may._ "

"Selected…? Ooooh, man, that's -- thanks, FRIDAY!"

" _My pleasure._ "

"FRIDAY light up the area where I can walk with the camera. Oh, wow, that's so cool. I didn't know there were lights in the floor! Okay, so… this is the workshop. Which I won't be showing, really, but whatever you can see, you can see. Yeah.

And that's… um, so that's what I - I made it. For Mr. Stark. A bit, uh, cringy, yeah - but check it out --"

" _Let's take a moment today to remember Tony Stark is a worldwide treasure and must be protected. Hashtag happy birthday Iron Man._ "

"Now, uh, I don't know who tweeted that -- wow, you're really freaking out about this - hey, I love you too! So, yeah, I don't know who tweeted it, but uh. I don't really know where I was going with it, actually.

The point is, it reads all the nice things people post about Mr. Stark on the internet. You just have to press that - the arc reactor. Um, I had to do some correction, though, so it filters out thirst tweets. Yeah, that happened. I was mortified. But it's okay, now! And Mr. Stark thought it was hilarious.

Okay, I showed you that - wow, you really love it. I can't keep up with your comments, sorry! Uh, I can answer some questions, I guess, just -- let me get back to the living room. Let's not risk it here."

Ambushed with the flow of comments on the phone screen, Peter retreated to the living area, all the while babbling in answer to whatever he managed to read in the quick-moving stream of questions.

"Yeah, uh - this is the living room. I feel like I shouldn't be showing you that either, sorry. I'll just…" He threw himself on the couch and squirmed until he sat spread out comfortably with the phone-holding arm leaned on the couch for support. "Alright, I'm good here. I just realized I left my pizza in the workshop," as he said it, he groaned loudly and threw his head back. "Okay, whatever, I'll --"

He cut himself off, hearing someone come into the room. By the sound of grandiosely rapid movement and the door smashing into the wall, Peter already knew who had entered. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark -“ He tried to tilt his head up and look over the backrest but a mass of limbs and clothes ambushed his face. “ _Oof!_ ”

Tony, one elbow digging into Peter’s neck, rolled over him on the couch, landing his whole upper body on the teenager's, which resulted in a Peter Sandwich Extra Squished. 

“ _Mr. Stark, what the hell — Arghhh!_ ”

Ignoring the kid’s loud protests, Tony sighed loudly and crossed his fingers on his belly, treating his protégée as a part of the furniture. 

Without much effort, Peter pushed him off. The man almost rolled off the couch, but caught himself just in time to not face-plant on the floor. Holding onto the backrest with one hand and the coffee table with the other, he sort of hovered there to let Peter slowly crawl up to a sitting position, Peter grumbling the whole time.

He then twisted around and laid back down, throwing both legs across the kid's lap. 

“ _Excuse me._ ”

“I’m so tired,” groaned Tony, dramatically swinging an arm over his eyes. “These phone upgrades are boring as fuck, can’t my employees do this? What’s the point of handing over your company if you still have to work there?”

“Isn’t it kind of the point that you make things other companies can’t? Because… you’re... _you?_ ”

“They are technologically light years behind us. I could take a year off and we’d still be top quality.”

“Then take a year off?”

Tony snapped his head up to glare and instead, he caught sight of Peter’s phone. 

“You recording something?” He said breezily, pushing himself up on an elbow. 

“I’m doing a live on Insta,” smiling innocently, Peter flipped the screen to show him. 

Tony mulled over the revelation for a short second, mentally going over his actions of the past minute. 

“Pepper and the PR team are gonna love this,” he muttered and reached to prop a pillow behind his head. 

As he got himself comfy, Peter turned back to the phone. 

“Obviously, no place is safe and you can be assaulted even in - supposedly - the most secure building - “ he yelped as Tony kicked him. “Again! I have this on camera, we’ll meet in court, Mr. Stark,” he directed the last part at the man, who had returned to portraying Capitalist Despair Of The Overworked Burn-Out. 

“You won’t make it to court if I ground you,” mumbled the Despair. 

“And now threatening with kidnapping and holding in captivity. That’s how heroism dies.”

That managed to make Tony peel his eyes open. 

“You keep that up, next time I order pineapple on pizza,” he pointed a finger right at Peter’s nose. 

The teenager gasped. 

“You hate pineapple on pizza!”

“Absolutely nothing can measure up to my pettiness. Not even hatred for pineapple pizza.”

Peter stared at him with something akin to fearful respect.

“I’m sorry, I love you, forgive me,” he rushed out. 

Tony just rolled his eyes, unsure how to brush that off. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he muttered eloquently.

"Anyway, people were disappointed they didn't hear from me on your birthday, so happy birthday Mr. Stark!" A snort responded. "A week late, but well-intended."

"You wished me right on time, but I suppose, now, if it's not on the internet, it didn't happen."

"Basically," nodded Peter. "Hey, want to say something to your fans?"

He pointed the phone camera at Tony, zooming in on his unimpressed scowl.

"Don't ever have kids, teenagers are a nightmare."

"Oh, wow," Peter laughed in surprise. "Most of your fanbase are teenagers, you know that?"

"The Universe sure hates me," he sighed, sitting up properly.

"He's joking." While Tony was unperturbed, Peter felt obliged to reassure the Iron Hearts. "He loves you guys. Honestly, how can you be so rude to people who love you so much?" He directed the question at Tony.

"If they do, then it sure isn't because of my politeness." The man stood up and stretched. "Embracing flaws and all that. I'm gonna get changed, you order some food. Or have you eaten already?"

"Uh…"

The kid crumbled under Tony's stare.

"Did you eat trash again?"

Peter choked on air, immediately spluttering.

"It's not! --it - I - is a - You ordered it yourself!"

He tried not to wither as Tony crossed his arms, almost glaring at him for daring to take _the food_ that was in _the fridge_.

"You can have pizza every once in a while, not every single day, Pete."

"So, what," Peter shrugged with one arm. "It's supposed to go to waste because it's unhealthy?"

"I'm sure someone who's not a growing, teenage twerp would deal with it."

Deciding that was the end of discussion, the man passed by the highly offended teenager as he called out _'twerp?_ '.

"Order some proper food and meet me in the workshop in ten," called Tony without turning.

"Too late!" Peter dangled across the backrest. "I ate the pizza!"

"Then you'll eat a salad, too!"

The door shut closed in the distance.

"Dammit," muttered Peter. He turned to the nearly forgotten livestream. "I've gotta go, guys, and eat the pizza before he gets to the workshop. Sorry! This turned out really… not how I planned. Uh, until next time, byee!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

**BuzzFeed News**

 

Trending Article: "IronDad is real and here's proof"

 

 

* * *

 

 

  

**the real reason stark industries make kid toys now**

 

just an intern

| 

 

| 

53,784,304 views

| 

3,3M likes

| 

110K dislikes  
  
---|---|---|---|---  
  
 

"Watcha doing, Mr. Stark?"

"I fucking hate you, you little dipshit," grunted out Tony, reaching one arm into the machinery, and using the other elbow to hit it from the outside. "You know perfectly well what I'm doing."

"Right you are!" Peter's grin was audible from behind the camera. "How's playing with the kid toys going?"  
"This isn't - it's not a _kid toy_ , it's a kid murder machine," he ignored the teenager's hysterical laughter. "Was this… Holy sparks, who put that in _here?_ Are they trying to kill an entire generation of _babies?_ "

"School age kids aren't really ba - "

"You're a baby too, shut it. Goodness. And what are _you_ doing here?" he asked the shrapnel in his hand.

"I suppose they don't count on 7-year-olds taking this apart."

"They should!" Tony pointed a finger at him. "This is outrageous. Unjustifiable. All you need is a screwdriver and you can get inside this hand-grater. If a kid put their hand in there, they wouldn't have anything left to pull out," once again, he ignored Peter as the teen let out a little disgusted whine. "And that, here…This is almost leaking, and if the fuel oil mixes with ammonium nitrate, the house does the burst."

"Because pouring ammonium nitrate inside a Power Wheels is what the kids do these days."

Tony sat back on his heels, not looking anywhere near Peter - or the camera - and rubbed his cheek with a wrist, his palms smudged with black stains.

"It's in fertilizers. You know, that thing for plants - lawns - just like this hot pile of shit," he said almost absent-mindedly. A whoosh of air from a sigh hit the camera's microphone and a thoughtful pause followed. "Did Oscorp make it?" Muttered Tony, bending over the toy vehicle again.

"I think you're taking this way too seriously," informed him Peter.

"I think most manufacturers of any kind are dimwits and shouldn't have the rights to put disasters like this on the market."

"I mean. You're not wrong - "

"Yup."

" - but you're not really right either?"

"I know I am and I don't need validation from you."

"Uh… okay? I guess that's good?"

"Screw this," said Tony, suddenly dropping everything and shooting up. "I'm gonna build this hell on wheels from a scratch and it'll be the safest badass plastic car anyone's ever seen."

Peter's soft " _oh my God_ " could be heard purely thanks to his proximity to the mic while his mentor stood up in a blink of an eye, noisily kicking the Power Wheels away, and gathering up the couple tools he'd scattered around.

He almost passed the teenager, but with another sharp turn, he pointed a screwdriver right at Peter's nose.

"And you're gonna help me."

"Are you - of course you are. Mr. Stark, you were supposed to just fix the engine…"

"I don't do things half-assed."

"Please, do, just this once - "

"And when birdbrain's precious princess nukes herself into the clouds, who do you think he'll blame, huh?"

The camera followed Tony like a loyal puppy, wiggling a bit to the sides like a duckling. Upon reaching it, the man threw the tools carelessly onto the worktop.

"I don't know, the manufacturer?" As Tony opened his mouth to argue - of course he did - Peter rushed out: "But honestly, what are the chances? You're being a tad bit dramatic here…"

"It's called paranoia and it comes with the job. Now, Italian, Thai, pizza or what?"

Once everything was in its place, the man continued to the door, never pausing in his movements for more than three seconds.

"How about Gerber, you might have some tips on the baby food, too?"

Tony gave an unimpressed scoff, not gracing Peter with an answer. He reached the entrance to the workshop, the camera on his tail. All the lights went out with a flick of his wrist, and he kept walking without waiting up for Peter to stumble through the darkness.

"I'm in the mood for kebab," he said at least, once the teenager left the dead silent room. "So, that's what we're having. You're not getting a say today."

"What - I'm just saying! If you're suddenly so concerned with the safety of babies, maybe you could have some - um, valuable input? No? Not for baby food?" The silence stretched as they speed walked through the corridors. "Hey, or maybe you could branch into kid… necessities manufacturing? Is that a thing? Into the - kid toys industry - "

"Maybe we will," said Tony flippantly.

The camera slowed to a stop, then shook as the teenager holding it jumped and rushed to Tony's side.

"What did you just say? Remember I have this on camera," Peter added quickly, a grin in his voice.

"We're doing clean energy, medical, smart tech… Kids would fit our new aesthetic, don't you think?"

"Oh my God."

"Don't get too excited," he threw him a side glance. "But if that's how they make things for children - makes me wonder what are the statistics for home accidents."

"Oh… my God."

"Pete, I fully support your passions - love that making videos makes you happy, yadda, yadda and all that - but you're gonna turn that off anytime soon?"

Something in Tony's voice must've pulled at Peter's conscience because he wavered.

"Yup, I'm done," he said, barely getting it out before the video cut short.

 

 

 

**202,847 Comments**

 

**Flossy**

am I getting it right and apparently tony stark's friend asked him to fix his daughter's power wheels and tony stark got so mad at the shitty work he decided to start manufacturing better toys himself?? or what?? is this real life??

**Pink angel**

Matrix is glitching

 

**Erica Martinez**

Everyone thirsting over dad!tony but here I am crying over the purest little giggle you'll ever hear 1:21 peter parker are u an angel

**Coco 98**

This whole video made me squeal like crazy. Peter is the human version of a kitten sneeze

**belula**

@Coco 98 Why does it make sense. I hate language.

**Make America Gay Again**

I stan one (1) boy

**ri ri ri**

@Make America Gay Again The only white boy worth staning

**Make America Gay Again**

@ri ri ri *1 of 2. tony stark is a white boy too,,, technically

**ri ri ri**

@Make America Gay Again My bad sir, this was very inconsiderate of me

**Papa Steve**

Are we really thirsting over a giggle now

**Cathelyyn**

@Papa Steve Yes. Yes we are

**mekki**

@Papa Steve It's a v wholesome giggle

**Papa Steve**

Point

 

**Holy Cow**

Haters: tony stark is a selfish narcist, he only cares abt money and making himself look good

Tony stark: holy jelly this is not safe for kiddies, hold on let me build something that will ensure no baby is harmed ever

**Soft piano tunes**

He'd such a dad

**bubble**

This?? Made me weak?? My heart burst from happiness????

**Anastasia Opal**

The softest avenger

**Jxk_93**

He literally said he just doesn't want the blame if something happened to the kid but live in your delulu I guess

**Stardust_Girl**

@Jxk_93 This ain't it chief

**Bobby's socks**

@Jxk_93 Yeah totally that's why he opened a whole ass new sector. To build this ONE (1) car for his friend

**Silly Billy**

@Jxk_93 Wow u must be so flexible to stretch that far

**Moises dreams**

My ovaries exploded

 

**Aesthetic Lofty**

"it'll be the safest badass plastic car anyone's ever seen" - tony stark 2k18

**Rude Jude 02**

I SCREAMED

**sweet release of death**

I want this tattooed on my forehead

**Biron Man**

Is it weird I now want this car?

 

**trash with a dash**

Sex is great but have you seen tony stark worried about babies

 

**Melinda xo**

I loved everything abt this vid tho I wish we could see more of peter

**iron fam**

They are… so… precioussss

 

**Boggart boogies**

Now whenever I'm sad I remind myself peter parker exists

**Flawless || 09**

Big mood

**Boggart boogies**

@Flawless || 09 TONY STARK TWEETED A SCREENSHOT OF THIS OH MYY

**Flawless || 09**

@Boggart boogies DON'T FORGET ME WHEN YOU'RE FAMOUS

**Boggart boogies**

@Flawless || 09 New phone who dis

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Iron Husbands** @molly.shiffer__

If anyone's missed it,,,, here's a compilation of tony making peter laugh

[video attachment]

**maria** @serotonin_dreams

It added 10 yrs to my lifespan

**Ball o-Bawl** @sirensound_

Thank u good sir may satan bless u with lenient punishment when we all go to hell

**goatee** @tonyshair_02

Not all heroes wear capes

 

**salazar's salamander** @boo-hoo-moh

Inspired by @molly.shiffer__ here's a compilation of peter being a little shit to tony

[video attachment]

**Berklee Bobby** @atta.manana

Little dipshit

**fast boi** @whatupp.99

Little dipshit can be our always

**Berklee Bobby** @atta.manana

U mean theirs

**fast boi** @whatupp.99

Let me project and live in my delusional fantasies in peace

**what's good mr. stark** @stardustinfused

My mum would slap me so hard if I talked to her like that

**Jamie's got jams** @jamie_parkson__

HOW ABOUT GERBER

**Eric** @genius.parrot.duck

been literally going to school with parker half my life and I never knew he was actually funny

**salazar's salamander** @boo-hoo-moh

WHAT

**Berklee Bobby** @atta.manana

You missed big time

**maria** @serotonin_dreams

Imagine going to school with him

**Eric** @genius.parrot.duck

he's a regular dude in school tbh. just rly smart

**Berklee Bobby** @atta.manana

He must be to keep up with tony stark

**salazar's salamander** @boo-hoo-moh

RIP 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Peter's stomach twisted and let out a whale-like rumbling sound that actually made three students in the near vicinity startle and turn. Embarrassed, he smiled sheepishly as MJ snorted loudly, staring straight ahead but somehow knowing what had happened behind her back.

"Hey, man, I would've shared my lunch if I knew you'd be this hungry," said Ned, trudging with him behind MJ.

"I had lunch!"

"Clearly not enough," said MJ dryly.

"Yeah, I don't think a protein bar cuts it with your… y'know. _Metabolism_ ," whispered Ned, digging his elbow in Peter's side in the least inconspicuous way possible.

"Yeah, it's fine, Mr. Stark always feeds me, like, triple the normal amount."

He attempted to discreetly swat Ned's arm away.

MJ swung the main door open with a flair of someone who doesn't care if they look cool, yet somehow still do.

"Speak of the devil," she call out, while the door almost smashed the boys' noses.

Peter glanced in the way she was looking, although he had a pretty good guess on what he'd see.

Well, he was sort of right, and sort of wrong.

He didn't see Tony, per see, because the man was swarmed with teenagers who had left the school before them. He noticed the ridiculously eye-catching orange Audi, which could only belong to his equally ridiculous mentor.

"Huh," he said, speeding down the stairs.

"I'll never get used to this," mumbled Ned, in a trance-like state.

"Cute," said MJ. Peter supposed she meant it half-teasing, half-genuine, but it came out extremely sarcastic. "So, he picks you up now like a soccer mom?"

"What?" His voice went high-pitched. "No. No! I don't why he's -- Happy usually picks me up."

The trio walked up to the crowded car, this time MJ and Ned strolling behind Peter.

Tony was signing an AP Physics textbook when Peter squeezed through the mass of teenagers and caught the man's attention before an old Math exam did.

"Hey, kid," said Tony, casual as ever.

At once, the crowd parted more and the volume went down. All pairs of eyes watched them in anticipation, as if they expected some big announcements.

"Uh, hey - what's up, Mr. Stark?" He pulled at his backpack's straps awkwardly.

An eyebrow and a corner of Tony's mouth - respectively - raised.

"You good to go?" Tony asked instead of answering.

"Um, yeah," he turned to his friends hanging at the back of the crowd. MJ jerked her chin up in a nod, and Ned waved with an almost dreamy grin. Peter waved back. "Let's… go?"

Tony made an obvious effort not to laugh at his awkwardness.

With a skill that could only be honed by a lifetime of practice, the man slipped away from the kids to the driver's side of the car, throwing the last goodbyes and peace signs here and there. Without half as much grace, Peter pushed through the crowd and nearly got crushed by the door people shoved against while he was getting inside the vehicle.

"Holy damn," he let out a breath the moment both doors shut and engulfed them in a comfortable silence. He hadn't realized how loud everyone was until it became a distant buzz.

"I wasn't planning on getting out," said Tony as they both buckled in, "but they noticed me and crowded in, and my past experiences told me, if I left them to it, I'd have a whole lot of fingerprints on my baby."

He patted the steering wheel affectionately.

"Sorry," said Peter automatically, as though he was responsible for all of Midtown High School. "But, uh - not that I'm not happy to see you, I am! But… why did you pick me up? I mean, Happy usually does it, so…"

The engine purred and carefully, Tony started driving out. Without, hopefully, running anyone over.

"Right, I thought I'd surprise you." Well, he did surprise Peter. "I'm taking you out for - late lunch? Early dinner? Something like that. And maybe some ice cream. Hey, maybe we can make it a tradition."

It sounded not unlike the first time Tony picked Peter up from school, when Peter had still had his old, barely held together cellphone without Tony's number in it, and a lot of absences at school. The day they really started growing closer.

That day wasn't that long ago, really, but it felt like a different lifetime. Peter knew, in the future he'd think of it as the times post-bite, but pre-Tony. A sort of weird, suspended period in his life when everything seemed to be put on hold, but going too fast at the same time.

"Something happen?"

"What? No, why do you think something has to happen for me to take my favorite kid out for Thai?" A short pause. "But it's good news."

Peter grinned.

"So, what happened?"

Just like the last time, they rolled to a stop at the red lights, and only then Tony turned his full attention to Peter.

Unlike that last time, his neck and shoulders held no tension, and their gazes crossed comfortably.

"The Stark Industries stock have never been better. We haven't had so much positive coverage in… ever, probably. Both the company and Iron Man. Exceptional surges of followers and engagement on all social media platforms. And, apparently, thanks to you, Mr. Parker."

Peter's brain short-circuited. He stared at the man, mouth opening but no sound leaving it. Before he managed to get some air in his lungs and utter anything semi-coherent, the light changed to green, and Tony broke the eye contact, smirking.

"What?" Peter croaked out, at least.

"It's a kind of thank-you dinner, I suppose. Although, Pepper will have her own thanks to give, I'm sure. She loves all that PR jazz - she was _ecstatic_. If you were ever planning on ditching your old man, she might be the one to hold you hostage."

"I just - I don’t get it," he shook his head. Pepper Potts was ecstatic? He was ecstatic that he made Pepper Potts ecstatic! "I mean, PR, I get _that_ , but it's -- isn't it too much? Like, too much credit? I - yeah, I showed people, like, some more personal stuff about you and people love that, but _stocks_ \--"

"Kid," interrupted Tony. "Do you know how much brands and companies pay for a good publicity?"

"No," said Peter honestly.

"Good PR is priceless. Anything bad about you on the Internet and stocks drop - not very significantly, but they do. Any good word, and they go up. You made the absolute impossible with this…" He hesitated, glancing at Peter shortly. He cleared his throat. "This iron dad hype. It's ridiculous, really. But it works! My PR team both loves and hates you, because you upstaged them so much it's embarrassing -- no, shut up, I'm kidding. Well, not really, but it's fine - the end result is good, okay? Better tell, how's school now that you're famous?"

"I'm not - I'm not _famous_. I'm just… social media popular." Tony raised a dubious eyebrow but didn't comment. "But yeah, it's weird. People don't stare as much - it was the worst, at first, but they got used, I guess."

"People tend to do that," hummed Tony.

"Yeah. So, it's fine. Most of the time. And I'm getting used to it, too. I suppose."

Tony nodded slowly.

"That's good," he said as though he'd just decided. "And, hey - I saw you're making use of this new platform of yours, aren't you? Boosting fundraisers and all that."

"Yeah!" Peter lit up, straightening in his seat. "So many people messaged me that they got sudden waves of donations after I posted about them! It's great, I think that's why it - it makes it feel worth it, you know? It's hard to be bothered by occasional pictures or a bit of attention when it can help people."

As Tony parked in front of the same Thai restaurant they had been to before, he couldn't help but ruffle Peter's hair and grin broadly, a proud feeling in his chest.

Peter scrunched his nose a bit while fixing his hair. When Tony didn't say anything else for a moment, though, he looked up and smiled back, slightly abashed.

On some level, Tony was embarrassed how long-lasting and genuine his smile was. He sniffed out of habit, but didn't try to break the moment he knew they were having. He patted the kid's shoulder more affectionately this time.

"Nice work, kid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i really have finished it.
> 
> it's the first time i managed to finish a multi-chapter fic bc usually, i get distracted with other ideas and try to write too many stories at once. i've been giving a shot this "prioritizing and consistency" thing, and apparently, it works!
> 
> thank you so so much for every single comment, for every single kudos, for every single read and re-read. i'm incredibly happy so many people have enjoyed it, and i loved hearing all those wonderful responses from you. thank you!!
> 
> also thank you to the few people who subscribed to my channel (a whooping 9 subscribers, don't laugh, I'm getting there), I am so so so thankful, I know the quality isn't,,,, there yet,,, but practice makes perfect, aYY?
> 
> AND I just realized I can copy-paste a link to my youtube account dumbass I swear it's the last time I'm promoting myself here, I'm just really excited you guys
> 
> plus I made a video "how actors get cast in marvel movies" which is ofc a load of bullshit and cringe but I had fun doing it, and honestly, I do wonder if power poses and dramatic over-the-shoulder looks are a part of preparation for the role. So, come and laugh at me babies https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrz23NzBt_sCjn417rksOhw?&ab_channel=malinaitis
> 
> anyway, it was a blast, i loved writing this story. thank you for being there for the ride!
> 
> have an amazing day, week, month and year. love u all!! 
> 
> \- malina

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on:
> 
> tumblrs @ronniecreation and @proteccpetertonysquad  
> youtube @ malina it is  
> twitter @malinafisher  
> instagram @berry.petal
> 
> feel free to hit me up, DM about anything, especially when you need someone to talk to!! even if we never interacted or anything, i'm here if you need help!!


End file.
